DARREN ARONOFSKY DIRECTING CLIPPY BIOPIC

BREAKING NEWS – The Studio Exec goes on set with Darren Aronofsky directing Clippy The Movie. We managed to catch up with the Requiem For A Dream and Mother! writer / director to get the latest on his new project. With Darren Aronofsky directing Clippy The Movie, we find out what drew him to this surprising project.

Darren Aronofsky Directing Clippy? Thanks For Taking Time Out To Talk With The Exec

To be honest, I’m glad to have something else to do. I’m just sat there on set, twiddling my fucking thumbs.

Why Is That?

We decided to make Clippy a combination of stop-animation and CGI. There’s fuck-all for me to do. It’s just people running around with green body-suits on and plasticine. Actually, it’s kinda sexy, now I think about it.

Can You Tell Us Anything About The Movie?

Yeah, why not? Who Cares? It tells the story of Clippy. Everyone over the age of 35 will remember that little motherfucker popping up on your computer and saying, ‘It looks like you’re trying to write a letter. Would you like some help?’ It’s a story about someone compelled to just be annoying because he’s constantly shunned for mansplaining every time he opens his mouth. It’s a story about toxic masculinity that leads him down a path of alienation and self-destruction. If you think The Wrestler meets Requiem For A Dream, but set in an animated kids world, you can’t go far wrong.

Jesus.

Yeah, he’s also in it. The main part of the film tells the story we all know. But then, things get really fucked up and trippy in the last third of the movie. You know, like they did in Mother! There’s all sorts of creepy, pseudo-religious images because Clippy is wandering the digital wastelands. He’s searching for redemption and meaning in his now redundant life. It’s an age old tale. I guess we all grow old and insignificant and because of that, we assign meaning where there isn’t any. It’s like T.S Eliot said, ‘I will show you meaning in a handful of dust.’

You Kinda Lost Me There?

Look, just plug the fucking movie, because it’s got loads of CGI shenanigans going on. Think Wallace and Gromit meets Angel Heart with a bit of Tron thrown in and you’re basically there.

Clippy The Movie Is Due To Be Released Next Year

EDWARD NORTON INVENTS HIS OWN CHEESE

Shhh, or they’ll all want some

DENVER – Enormously talented film and motion picture actor, Edward Norton has long had a reputation for eccentricity, but yesterday he announced that he was as normal as the next man and to prove it unveiled a new cheese he had invented: Chedward Nortshire.

‘I was sitting in my private jet waiting to get clearance to take off and fly to Hawaii and I thought to myself, I just want to give something back to the ordinary people,’ said the Birdman25th Hour and Red Dragon star. ‘But what? And then it came to me. They like cheese.’

Of course my first worry was mice. I mean what if the cheese was so nice that the mice wouldn’t be able to resist. They’d be all over the cheese, and people would buy cats or try to kill the mice and although understandable that would NOT be cool. But then cheese and mouse  expert Bryan Singer told me that the idea that mice go crazy about cheese was actually a racist myth. 

 Our resident cheese taster Xavier Poulis had a slice of Chedward and gave his verdict:

Stings the mouth. Holds. Still there. Gummy glue feeling about the teeth. Tacky. Yes gone. 

Coincidentally these were the exact words Roger Ebert used in his review of Edward Norton’s performance in the Italian Job remake.