WALKING DEAD ACTUALLY DIED FIVE YEARS AGO

HOLLYWOOD – The AMC series The Walking Dead actually died five years ago, it was revealed today.

Sources close to the hit AMC zombie series The Walking Dead today revealed that the series died 5 years ago but has continued to be made. One producers who preferred not to be named told The Studio Exec that:

The show died in 2013. It was quick and painless. It died in its sleep. But we don’t know what happened. We were preparing the obituaries and it showed up for work. So we just got on with it. There’s a real stink around while we’re filming. It only speaks with this inarticulate grunts. And after the end of every season we have to feed it a bucket full of fresh human brains, so it’s tough. Luckily, I worked for The Big Bang Theory for years, so I’m used to the conditions.

The new ninth season is due to kill Andrew Lincoln’s character Rick Grimes, but everyone understands that he will be then condemned to shuffle along in a cloud of flies at the back of the caravan.  The show is based on Robert Kirkman’s graphic novels and has posthumously won many awards.

Walking Dead Season 9 will continue on AMC.

FANS EAT WALKING DEAD ACTOR ANDREW LINCOLN

HOLLYWOOD – The sad news arrived today that Andrew Lincoln the actor who plays Rick Grimes in the popular zombie show The Walking Dead has been eaten by fans.

British born actor Andrew Lincoln was leaving an In and Out hamburger bar having just eaten a large meal when he was stopped by a group of fans to sign autographs. Lincoln laughingly obliged and even agreed to take some selfies with the, fans many of whom were children. However, what he had failed to notice was that a crowd was gathering behind him.

An eyewitness told the Studio Exec what happened next:

One of the fans who was standing beside Lincoln as he was signing these autographs just leaned in and had a nibble of one of Lincoln’s fingers. Andrew didn’t seem fazed. He just kind of said ‘ouch’ and something along the lines of ‘hey quit that’. But at that point it was like the others had scented blood and a large women with a Breaking Bad t-shirt on just chomped down on Lincoln’s neck and tore out a lump of flesh. The chords and tendons were coming out and then they were all over him. Before long just couldn’t see anything but red mist and his entrails being yanked in the air like so much fetid rope.

F*cking hell!

I know. The worst thing was the sound of him screaming. He was screaming and screaming for someone to help him but the people who came running just joined in the mayhem. ONe had hold of his head and as he pulled it off the vocal chords stretched and the screams became screeches until the chords snapped with a sickening twang.

Like a homage to Day of the Dead?

Exactly what I thought. It was Romero all over.

The makers of the show have insisted however that it will continue.

An insider at AMC told the Studio Exec:

We always knew that it was only a matter of time before Andrew got eaten by a horde of rabid fans. In fact, we take it as a testament to the show that our fans are so committed to the characters and the story. We’ll find away of incorporating Andrew’s fate into the story line and I’m happy to say that because of stringent intellectual property rights deals that we’ve made, we also own Andrew Lincoln’s eviscerated corpse.

The Walking Dead is showing on AMC.

5 FACTS YOU NEVER KNEW ABOUT THE WALKING DEAD

HOLLYWOOD – AMC’s The Walking Dead returns for part two of its sixth season on Sunday with the show’s central group of survivors in danger from the zombie onslaught.

With The Walking Dead returning, everyone is very excited but what do we really know about The Walking Dead? We sent the Studio Exec undead FACT Squad into the post-apocalyptic wastelands to get the FACTS.

  1. The Walking Dead takes its title from a Johnny Cash lyric: ‘I hear the zombies approaching, they’re walking and they’re dead, I fear that I can’t kill them lest I shoot them in the head, the Walking Dead are coming, and there’s nothing I can do, but I swear by the Lord Jesus, I’m gonna kill me a few.’ The song was turned into a series of graphic novels by Robert Kirkland and these in turn were then turned into a TV series which tragically Johnny himself never got an opportunity to watch.
  2. The original event that causes the zombification of the world is confined entirely to diet.
  3. The real name of the main actor  playing Rick Grimes, which is given as Andrew Lincoln, is actually Egg.
  4. Although the Walkers are similar to zombies they aren’t actually the same. In fact, the original show runner for the first season Frank Darabont called them Werewolves with alopecia. His continued insistence that the Walkers should be though of as Werewolves caused a rift in the creative team – who believed the Walkers to be uncool and clumsy vampires.
  5. A HBO made rip off The Walking Dead to be directed by Danny Boyle is planned for production later this year. It is to be based on 28 Days Later and is called The Running Dead.

For more FACTS on everything from this to that click HERE! 

ZOMBIES TO BE KILLED OFF

HOLLYWOOD – Ever since Victor Helperin‘s 1932 film White Zombie, the undead have been limping and lurching, drooling and more recently raging across out cinema screens.

The cultish gore fest and satire of the George Romero films of the Seventies gave way to the mainstream shoot em ups of War World Z and The Walking Dead and so it is with some sadness – and relief – that studio executives announced today that they were definitively killing off the cult figure before there was a serious outbreak. 

A spokesperson for AMC pivotal in the making of Walking Dead commented:

We had tried by getting rid of Frank Darabont, but that wasn’t the head shot we’d assumed it would be and the damn seasons just kept staggering on, blood and pus-oozing from what ought to have been a fatal wound. We tried killing off the interesting characters but here we are again. Like half a body dragging its entrails spilling torso across the floor towards us.

 Danny Boyle – director of 28 Days Later – said he was not sorry to see the back of the horror sub-genre.

When we made 28 Days Later we were essentially trying to reinvent the zombie, speed it up and make the stories less contrived. However, the Rec films and World War Z have convinced me that even this injection of angry raging life has not been enough.

 Sociologist and film critic U’buto Menege wrote recently in the Huffington Post

Freud said that nightmares were fantasies that are too transgressive to admit. Our feelings of horror are actually just us acting out what we really want. The problem with the zombie scenario is that fantasy is actually all too obvious. The nightmare is no longer there. It’s pure fantasy. We dress up as zombies at the drop of a hat. Freud would shit himself laughing.

From 2014 no more Zombie films (or infection films) will go into production. The ones already in production will be taken out to the back lot by government agents in bright yellow chemical threat suits and buried by a bulldozer in a large communal pit.

The last Zombie film to be shown will be Martin Luther King Jr: Zombie Killer.

 

5 FACTS YOU NEVER KNEW ABOUT HOMELAND

HOLLYWOOD – Homeland is Showtime’s popular terrorist/espionage thriller starring Claire Danes, Damian Lewis and Mandy Patinkin, but what do we really know about it? Where does its allegiances lie? And does any of it make any sense?

We sent the undercover Studio Exec FACT squad into deep black ops cover to find 5 FACTS you never knew.

1. Homeland is a complete waste of time.

2. No honestly that last fact was the important one. The will he or won’t he, is she or isn’t she, is a complete waste of your time.

3. Time spent playing or watching golf, by comparison, is like you’re curing cancer.

4. I’ll admit the first season was mildly diverting if you fast forwarded through Brody’s family life, but seriously repeatedly watching this stuff and thinking you’ll get a different result is in the Fifth Edition of the Diagnostic Handbook as a definition of psychopathy.

5. It’s still better than the Walking Dead.

For more FACTS, click here. 

WALKING DEAD SEASON FOUR RECAP

HOLLYWOOD – So Walking Dead is now one of the most successful cable shows ever to show ever and for those who have missed or slept through Season Four, here’s a Spoiler Free episode recap up to and including the mid-season finale.

Episode 1. “30 Days Without an Accident”: Nothing happens.

Episode 2. “Infected”: Nothing happens.

Episode 3. “Isolation”: Nothing happens.

Episode 4. “Indifference”: Nothing happens.

Episode 5. “Internment”: Nothing happens.

Episode 6. “Live Bait”: Nothing happens.

Episode 7. “Dead Weight”: Nothing happens.

Episode 8. “Too Far Gone”: Loads of stuff happens.