JASON STATHAM IS PHIL COLLINS IN THINK TWICE

HOLLYWOOD – Jason Statham to play Phil Collins in a new biopic.

The British hard man, martial artist and multi-linguist (Cockney and Merican) Jason Statham is not only lined up to play Indiana Jones in a forthcoming adventure (for more on that CLICK HERE) but has just landed the role of prog-rock drummer turned soulster Phil Collins in the biopic Think Twice. 

The long-awaited biopic, directed by Harold Ramis, will chart the rise and rise of the drummer of Genesis. It will follow his solo career that brought us such hits as ‘In the Air Tonight’ and ‘Sussudio’. The film will also explore Collins’ movie career, best remembered for Buster. Collins said that he was delighted to be the subject of a film although, he remarked, ‘it isn’t as if my life has really been so extraordinary.’

Director Ramis agreed:

It isn’t like we have much to go on from an interest point of view. So we’re just going to make up some shit. We’re going to have Phil foiling an attempt to assassinate the Queen. Oh, and – during the recording of ‘Invisible Touch’ -he’ll have to restart his own heart a couple of times using a car battery. That was Jason’s suggestion.

Asked about the role he is to play, Statham looked nonplussed.

I’m not really sure about it, but my agent says it would be good to get out of this action rut and go for an Oscar like Whacky Phoenix did with Walk the Line. As for the music Phil has made, most of it has been absolute gash and the rest carries the stench of mediocrity. Especially that voice. Jesus Christ. It makes me want to vomit.

Given his star’s antipathy, why did Ramis cast Jason Statham in the role?

The hair. Or the lack thereof. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha haaaa haaaaa haaaaa haaaaa haaaaaaa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Cough. Cough.

Think Twice opens sometime in 2022.

47 FILMS: 46. WALK HARD: THE DEWEY COX STORY

In our continuing series of 47 films to see before you are murdered in your dreams we present Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story.

In 2007 John C. Reilly released a film that rocked Hollywood. That film was Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story. “We took the clichés of movie biopics and just had fun with them,” Reilly said but in actual fact Walk Hard subverted every expectation and rewrote norms.  The film stands as both a broad parody of Walk the Line and other music based biopics as well as an exploration of creativity and destruction, the sacrifice of the artist and the dangers of light-hearted machete fighting.

Dewey Cox grows up on an idyllic farm, poor but happy. Following a terrible accident, Cox is mentally scarred. He overcomes this to play music and gain fame, winning over admiring fans. But the wealth comes with excess and madness, sending Cox spiralling out of control.

Now I admit this is basically a funny comedy. Some might think ‘one of the 47 films I’m supposed to see before being murdered in my dreams? Really?’ But the answer is definitely yes. If only to show that there are decent Hollywood made comedies out there that don’t make you want to smash yourself in the face with a large polo mallet. So if you haven’t already seen it, give it a shot. It might make you laugh.

For more of our 47 Films to see before you’re murdered in your dreams CLICK HERE.

JOAQUIN PHOENIX EMPLOYS THE METHOD TO PLAY JESUS

HOLLYWOOD – Gladiator and Walk the Line star Joaquin Phoenix is to play Jesus in Garth Davis’ Mary Magdalene and he will be employed his notorious method.

He was an emperor of Ancient Rome; a country singer in Walk the Line and a burn out in I’m  Still Here, now Joaquin Phoenix will play Jesus Christ in a new film Mary Magdalene, starring Rooney Mara in the titular role.  The normally reclusive Phoenix spoke EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec:

I love the idea of playing Jesus Christ. If you watch The Master you can see how interested I am in people inventing religions and Jesus Christ has to be in the top three of that game.

How will you approach the role?

Oh I’m going full method for this man. I know there are so many people out there who would be upset if I did anything less. Jesus is a very real part of millions of people’s lives and so I will give them the most authentic portrayal of Jesus ever put on the screen. I’ve already begun.

How do you mean?

Last night, I went to this party and I totally brought the wine.

Okay. 

I’ve been spending a lot of time in the desert. Not exactly forty days and forty nights, but I’m working up to it. I’ve been antagonizing the Italian community and the Jewish elders with some pretty radical online posts on my blog ‘I’m Back’.

Oh that’s you.

Yep.  I’ve got a girl who comes round to my house and gives me a whipping every week. I’m hanging out with a bunch of dudes. Casey Affleck, Russell Crowe, all those guys, twelve of them. I’ve been forgiving adulterous women left right and center. And I’m going to get myself killed and then revived after a biblical accurate interval.

Whoa! How are you going to do that?

There’s this company in Mexico.

The film’s production company See-Saw Films, which is teaming with Universal Pictures Intl.  Iain Canning and Emile Sherman are producing along with Film4, from a script by Helen Edmundson and Philippa Goslett.

Mary Magdalene will be released in 2017.

JUSTIN BIEBER TO PLAY ELVIS PRESLEY IN LAST TRAIN TO MEMPHIS

HOLLYWOOD – Canadian pop star Justin Bieber is to play the King of Rock n’ Roll Elvis Presley in a new film The Last Train to Memphis based on the award winning biography by music journalist and historian, Peter Guralnick.

 The film’s director James Mangold, whose 2005 film Walk the Line told the story of Elvis contemporary Johnny Cash, spoke EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec:

The story of Justin and Elvis are very similar. They were both young stars who reached heights of stardom previously unseen. They were both seen as a threat and disapproved of by older members of society even as they were adored by legions of young fans. Musically they were both … [begins to sob] Oh Jesus, no, what have I done? No, I can’t … I just can’t [inaudible].

Is it true this is going to be commercially successful?

Yes. Money. Money. Yes. And the film is based on the first of two books Peter wrote. The second one could even be broken up into two films, potentially making more money. Then we’re obviously going to have a soundtrack album with Justin recording all of Elvis’ hits. I for one am really looking forward to seeing his versions of such classics as Mystery Train, Suspicious Minds and … oh God what have I done? WHAT HAVE I DONE? [Screams and a sound of a dog barking in the distance]…

The news of the production has scotched rumors of a rival film by Kevin MacDonald and starring Ben Affleck as the Pelvis.

The Last Train to Memphis will be released in 2015.