HOLLYWOOD – Christopher Plummer has signed up to play Kevin Spacey in Oliver Stone’s biopic of the disgraced actor.
The Studio Exec caught up with Plummer to discuss his latest role.
Did you have any qualms about playing such a controversial character?
Not at all. I’ve been living as Kevin Spacey for the past three months so i‘ve had plenty of time to get over my early reservations.
What do you mean you’ve been ‘Living as Kevin Spacey’?
Well I didn’t just replace him in ‘All the Money in the World’ I replaced in him in real life. I’m living in his house, driving his car and browsing his extensive collection of greco-roman pornography on a daily basis. I’m wearing a pair of his silk underpants as we speak, they cradle my balls splendidly.
So where is Kevin?
No, you’re Christopher Plummer.
You miss the point, dear boy. There is no Christopher Plummer.
Then who is that guy in The Sound of Music?
Christ. Okay. Let me phrase the question in a different way. Where is the guy you replaced?
Oh, he’s still around but I ignore him. At first that was difficult, you know, when you’re sharing a bed or taking a bath together, it took a few days to get used to but now the only time I notice he’s there is when I hear him sobbing to himself in the middle of the night and when I wake in the morning with this erection poking into my lower back.
I see, so what does 2018 have in store for….you?
Well after the movie with Oliver I’ll be working on a film called The Usual Suspects 2: The Wrath of Keyser Söze and following that I start work on Spielberg’s Christopher Plummer biopic.
Christopher Plummer is playing Christopher Plummer in a Christopher Plummer biopic?
No, Kevin Spacey is playing Christopher Plummer in a Christopher Plummer biopic.
BUT WHO THE F*CK IS CHRISTOPHER PLUMMER?
I have no idea I haven’t read the script. Though I hear he’s a bloody marvellous chap.
The Kevin Spacey biopic is due 2019.