CHRISTOPHER NOLAN WARNER BROS UNCOUPLE

MOVIE NEWS – With the Christopher Nolan Warner Bros partnership coming to an end, The Exec sat down to talk with a Warner Bros PR spokesperson. We find out how the Christopher Nolan Warner Bros conscious uncoupling came about and was it really mutual?

Sorry To Ask But How Did Christopher Nolan & Warner Bros Uncouple?

That’s ok [sniff]. I guess we need to talk it through with someone [sniff]. Just to try and make sense of it all. Y’know what I mean [sniff]? I thought we were in a good place. Thought we were secure in our relationship. People always said he was a cold one, but you never really believe it, until it happens to you. And then he just left. Didn’t leave a note or anything [sniff].

Were There Any Signs This Was Coming?

What do you mean? Are you saying it’s our fault? We gave everything [sniff] to this relationship. Showered him with money for anything he wanted to do. We never asked any questions. And what do we get in return (apart from billions of dollars in revenue)? He goes to Universal [sniff]. Universal? What the fuck is he going to do over there? Make Smokey And The Bandit? What a crock of shit.

Do You Think There Was Anything You Could Have Done Differently?

I guess we could have spent less time with Zack Snyder and Matt Reeves. But we were just fooling around, having a bit of fun at work. They meant nothing. Literally nothing. Have you seen the returns? Jesus [sniff]. What a waste of fucking time those guys were.

And What About You With HBO Max?

Oh, here we go [cries]! You’re going to rub that in our face. It was just a small deal. We flirted for a bit with streaming. They got knocked up with our movies last year, and that’s it. We’re tied to them for the rest of our fucking lives.

Well, It Is Your Contractual Responsibility And Commitment.

Now you just sound like our parent company and investors. Fuck you [sniff].

Christopher Nolan Will Shoot His Next Movie About Oppenheimer, With Universal.

UNIVERSAL SAY DARK UNIVERSE WILL GO AHEAD

HOLLYWOOD – With the Dark Universe in trouble, Universal issue a statement confirming the franchise will go ahead.

The Universal franchise – ‘The Dark Universe’ – is in trouble. Creative heads Alex Kurtzman and Chris Morgan have left – Kurtzman to work on Star Trek Discovery and Morgan to wash his hair – leaving the franchise very much in doubt. The Tom Cruise vehicle The Mummy tanked at the Box Office earlier this year, leading to rumors that the whole project was in trouble. However, today a spokesperson at Universal issued the following statement EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec:

Although there have been some personnel changes on our creative team, The Dark Universe is to go ahead with a series of films based on iconic monsters from Universal’s cinematic legacy. However, certain changes are going to take place. First of all, The Invisible Man – starring Johnny Depp – will actually be an Invisible Film. The first kind of film ever to be shot with this 0D ground breaking technology, people won’t be able to see it anywhere.

Did you say 0D?

Yes, it’s like 3D, but you know 3 less.

Okay.

The new Frankenstein film will just be a mash up of all the other Frankenstein films. And colorized. Javier Bardem will do the narration.

Right.

Russell Crowe stars in Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde in a new definition of terror.

This sounds good. 

We’re changing the film into a musical and Crowe will be singing all the way through.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

I knew you’d like that. We’re just worried about the certificate.

Universal will release the Dark Universe on Monday.

CHICKEN GAME TO BECOME 3 PART MOVIE

HOLLYWOOD – The Chicken Game that is currently sweeping social media is to come to the silver screen with Universal signing a three-part picture deal with game creator 9 Gag.

The Chicken Game the ludicrously addictive image based game has taken over the internet this week with celebrities like Justin Bieber and Rupert Murdoch admitting to serious Chicken addictions. Now they will be able to sate their poultry longings with a new franchise that Universal are looking to launch with firm potential across all demographics.

A source close to the studio said:

Angry Birds is the film that is going to make everyone see the market for this kind of crossover. The Chicken Game is perfectly set up for a movie. It has a built in three act structure; huge potential for merchandising and a complex role for a star actor. We’re hoping to get Orlando Bloom to play the chicken. Then trilogy because, you know, money.

The Chicken Game will be released in 2019.

 

FIRST IMAGE OF JOHNNY DEPP IN THE INVISIBLE MAN

HOLLYWOOD – Johnny Depp is playing the Invisible Man for a Universal reboot of the classic tale of horror and the Studio Exec has an EXCLUSIVE picture of the star in the new role.

Adding to a long list of iconic roles – Edward Scissorhands, Jack Sparrow, the kid who gets eaten by his bed in Nightmare on Elm Street – Johnny Depp is now to appear in a reboot of the Universal classic and H.G. Wells adaptation The Invisible Man. The original saw, or didn’t see, Claude Rains in the role in a classic 1933 version directed by James Whale and since then such giants as Kevin Bacon and Chevy Chase have taken on the role.

However, this version is going to be a return to the original text and is part of a move on the part of Universal to reboot its rich back catalog of horror classics with Angelina Jolie set to star in Bride of Frankenstein, Tom Cruise in a Mummy remake and Eddie Redmayne to roar into life as The Wolfman.

Johnny Depp spoke briefly with The Studio Exec about his new role:

You know I’ve always been an actor who likes to disappear into his roles, well in this instance I’ll be doing that LITERALLY. HA ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! Oh I’ve done myself an injury.

However, the casting has been criticized by some groups claiming that the role should have gone to a genuinely invisible actor.

The Invisible Man will be released in 2017.

WORLD BEGS HOLLYWOOD STUDIOS TO MAKE MORE MOVIES ABOUT CHEFS

HOLLYWOOD – The entire world has issued a plea to all the major Hollywood studios to please make more movies about chefs.

The plea came with tension in the Middle East rising, a refugee crisis heading into winter and fears of terrorism reaching epidemic proportions with a subsequent rise in racist attacks. The whole world joined together and for once forgot its differences as everybody shouted in one voice: ‘More films about chefs please, Hollywood!’ The Secretary General of the UN Ban Ki-moon addressing the General Assembly said:

In this time of crisis what the world needs is some more dramatic comedies – dramedies if you will – about top flight chefs who are a bit arrogant and lose sight of what they do but are also artists when it comes down to it and come up trumps at the end, reconciling with a son or daughter or someone.

Despite tensions between Russia and Turkey President Vladimir Putin and Tayyip Erdogan issued a joint statement to all studios to make something else ‘like Jon Favreau’s Chef, which was a delight.’

Bradley Cooper responded instantly to the crisis, rolling up his sleeves and offering to do a sequel to Burnt. He spoke with the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY in the special Studio Exec kitchens:

I think in this time when so many people are losing their lives, over four million people have been displaced by the Syrian civil war alone, what everyone really wants to see is an acerbic but charismatic perfectionist, a temperamental genius who has gone to the wall because of drugs and alcohol or just arrogance and then comes back and redeems himself by cooking really nice food for a bunch of rich bastards. I think that is what the children who are dying under the bombs would really want us to be doing.

President Obama has told Congress that he wants a bill on his desk by Monday morning that will force the studios to begin making a minimum of six films about chefs every calendar year. But Universal has already announce a remake of 2007 Catherine Zeta Jones comedy No Reservations and Pixar are in talks to do a sequel to Ratatouille.

Burnt is currently in theatres.

MATT DAMON ON FOR THE BOURNE REMUNERATION

HOLLYWOOD – Universal have announced that the next Bourne film will be directed by Paul Greengrass and star Matt Damon and will be titled The Bourne Remuneration.

The news comes as a surprise as a follow up to Tony Gilroy’s The Bourne Legacy, starring Jeremy Renner had already been announced and even calendared. The Hurt Locker actor today told journalists that he was ‘devastated’, saying:

When I and Tony were making The Bourne Supremacy there was all this bad feeling going around but I thought we’d got over that and made a really good film. I know it wasn’t exciting, or interesting and it really didn’t make much sense all told, nor was it commercially as big a hit as we hoped, but I was in it and so that bit was good.

Paul Greengrass said that The Bourne Remuneration will follow on from The Bourne Supremacy’ as if nothing had ever happened’.

That other film is now going to be reissued in a special collector’s edition, re-titled as The Bourne Irrelevancy. Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Can you tell us something about the story?

Yes. The Bourne Identity introduced us to Jason Bourne and the whole black op program known as Blackstone. The Bourne Ultimatum and The Bourne Supremacy carried that story on to its natural conclusion. The Bourne Remuneration sees Jason Bourne returning to his ordinary life and settling into a bureaucratic job and raising a family. Matt is very keen to add something about fracking but I’m not sure I’m that interested in the subject. Anyway, Bourne still sometimes uses his skills as a super agent to do things like find a parking space or work out what is the quickest line at the supermarket, but that’s about it. Then two government agents who have gone rogue – Tony Pilfroy and Jeremy Rimmer – decide that they have to kill him because they want to be better than him. Pilfroy doesn’t even know how to direct a movie, I mean be a spy, but he still tries to compete with Bourne. Poor Rimmer is just his patsy.

Wow. That sounds a little like…

No it has nothing to do with that. But I’m really excited because I wrote the movie instead of letting some Gilroy like character at it. This means that it’ll be original and interesting.

So what happens?

Rimmer and Pilfroy try and kill Bourne but only succeed in knocking him out. When he comes too, he has completely lost his memory. So he just begins The Bourne Identity again as if nothing had ever happened. It’s a bit like Groundhog Day but with guns and stabbing people with pens.

The Bourne Remuneration will be released in 2016.

AWARDS SEASON TO BLAME FOR DROP IN FILM PRODUCTION

HOLLYWOOD – The major Studios have come out in a united front to combat the menace of Awards Season, which they say is severely hampering actual film production.

An insider at Fox said, ‘We just can’t get films made at the moment. It starts in November and goes all the way through to February and it’s non-stop.’

A colleague from Universal agreed:

We’re constantly fighting to get actors to clear their schedules. Matthew McConaughey, since the McConaughey-eissance, is impossible to get on the line. Ditto Tom Hanks. And it isn’t just actors, Alfonso Cuarón took seven years to make Gravity, but it’ll be another  seven years before he gets onto his next film, he’s so busy walking around collecting gongs for this one. 

Paramount also butted in:

Why can’t everyone be like Woody Allen? NO, not in THAT way! I mean… Oh Jesus. When Ronan Farrow sees this, he’s going to Twi-zerk. 

Independent analysts, however, responded that although there is a definite drop in production over this period, the Studios easily make up for the losses by churning out material that will never bother the attention of the Academy. An insider backed up this conclusion with the observation:

Around this time of year, there’s always a drop off and people are wandering around the back lots a bit with nothing to do. Except for Vince Vaughn, Adam Sandler, Owen Wilson and Kevin James. Those boys just keep their heads down and knock out hit after hit after hit of un-award-worthy bilge.

For more Oscars coverage CLICK HERE.