SAMUEL L. JACKSON TO STAR IN PASSENGERS WHO HAVE PAID FOR THEIR SEATS ON A PLANE

HOLLYWOOD – Samuel L. Jackson is to star in the sequel to his cult hit Snakes on a Plane with the United Airways based movie: Passengers who Have Paid for Their Seats on a Plane.

Pulp Fiction and Unbreakable star Samuel L. Jackson is to make the follow up to Snakes on a Plane. Passengers who have Paid for Their Seats on a Plane will follow on directly from the first film, but with a topical theme. Jackson spoke tot he Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

We have ripped the story from the headlines. Literally. Ripped them and then taped them to a sheet of A4 and then put a title page on it and we got the money. I’m back playing Neville Flynn and I’m just going home for the holidays, but now I work for United Airlines. We get on this flight with some other workers. But the flight is full and we ask for volunteers to go on the next flight. No one agrees and at one point I lose my temper. And I shout ‘I’m sick and tired of these muthafucking passengers who have paid for their muthafucking seats on this muthafucking plane!’ It’s a classic.

Passengers who Have Paid for Their Seats on a Plane comes out in 2018.

M. NIGHT SHYAMALAN: ‘SPLIT IS AUTOBIOGRAPHICAL’

HOLLYWOOD – M. Night Shyamalan admits new movie Split is autobiographical.

Split came out as a surprise success for M. Night Shyamalan. The thriller stars James McAvoy as a man with Disassociative Identity Disorder – commonly referred to as split personality.

The Sixth Sense director today spoke EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec about the real life inspiration for the movie:

When I make a film, I always write what I know. In The Sixth Sense, that was me seeing dead people. After the success of that film, I could do anything. Hence Unbreakable. With Split I looked back over my career and my own split personality. On the one hand, I’m the guy who made Sixth Sense, Signs and Unbreakable. And on the other I’m also the guy who made The Happening, Lady in the Water and The Last Airbender. I realized that there isn’t really one M. Night Shyamalan, but two. The first one I call by my name. The second one prefers to be called Kenny Shitz. In some cases, we’ll actually collaborate on a film. The Village, he did half of and he filmed the last scene of Signs. He did all of The Happening though. He cast Mark Wahlberg.

Is there a chance we can get Kenny under control?

I’d like to say yes. I managed to keep him away from Split for instance. But ultimately who knows? I doubt it.

Split is currently in Cinemas now.

M. NIGHT SHYAMALAN TO DIRECT US ELECTION

WASHINGTON – The end of the US election – due to take place on Tuesday – will be directed by The Sixth Sense director and ‘genius’ M. Night Shyamalan.

Both political parties have agreed that Mr. Shyamalan is uniquely positioned to give the climax of one of the closest races in history of American politics exactly the right kind of ‘Oh, so he was dead all along!’ feeling come Tuesday evening.

CNN had originally lobbied for James Cameron to be called in for the final push – ‘he would have given us a fantastic virtual environment’ – but sources close to the Piranha 2 script writer said that due to a strange condition contracted while diving to the bottom of the Mariana Trench, Mr. Cameron is not allowed out of seawater or his beard turns into an octopus. Fox wanted to go with John Milius but his recent incarceration for ‘becoming warrior king’ of a part of Cambodia ruled him out.

Associate Producer, Mark Wahlberg said that M. Night Shyamalan was perfect for the job:

There’ll be a cheap twist, many people will feel bitterly cheated and we’ll wake up the next day with an empty feeling. Shyamalan is the master and providing that effect. Everyone is praying we’re going to get The Sixth Sense or Unbreakable and not The Last Airbender.

Or The Happening?

I have no recollection of any film of that title.

M. NIGHT SHYAMALAN REVEALS LATEST TWIST: HIS WHOLE CAREER

HOLLYWOOD – Famed thriller director M. Night Shyamalan has revealed his latest twist but it isn’t for a movie, it’s for his entire career.

M. Night Shyamalan has revealed that there was a reason for the critical failure of his last few films as he spoke about his new film After Earth, starring the family Smith and due out in 2013.

‘I sat down when I was starting out my career and plotted it like I would a film,’ said The Airbender as he prefers to be called. ‘I start with some good movies: The Sixth Sense, Unbreakable and even Signs. Then here comes The Village which is like a swerve ball. People suddenly go woah! what’s this?’

M. Night is laughing so hard he can’t speak. ‘Oh, dear,’ he gasps. ‘Then I do The Happening which I completely Wahlberg, and people are like, is this the same guy? Then the Giametti one, I can’t even remember what it was called. Then Airbender which puked like Justin Bieber on the original series. And that’s it, right? Reputation well and truly in tatters? And then comes After Earth and bang. He’s got game. The twist ending. Good director becomes shitty and then boom back again. And you’re on your back.’

Shyamalan claims he modelled his career on the story of Cinderella Man. However, Roger Ebert has pointed out that Ron Howard’s boxing film came out in 2005 and Shyamalan ‘was already making us collectively eat his shit sandwiches in 1998 with the mercifully forgotten Rosie O’Donnell comedy Wide Awake.’