QUEEN RESIGNS FOLLOWING BREXIT

LONDON – The monarch of the Uited Kingdom Queen Elizabeth II has resigned following the Brexit vote.

The Queen’s resignation – or abdication as she prefers to call it – came in the wake of what has been a shocking ten days following the referendum vote that saw a slim majority opt to leave the European Union.

Prime Minister David Cameron, Boris Johnson, Nigel Farage of UKIP and Chris Evans of Top Gear have all stepped down from their positions of power, citing incapacity, unpopularity, cowardliness or stupidity for their various reasons. Buckingham Palace issued a short statement to the BBC with the news of the departure of the aging monarch:

The Queen has decided to step down following the vote to leave the European Union. She feels that Britain is no longer the place for her family (who are German) or her husband (who is Greek). They will be enjoying their retirement in Spain, alongside the one million British citizens who also reside there.

The comedy Brexit continues next week.

BRITAIN TO HOLD THE PURGE REFERENDUM

LONDON – Following the success of the Brexit campaign, The United Kingdom Independence Party is proposing a new referendum to introduce the Purge as an annual measure.

The United Kingdom Independence Party (or UKIP) has announced a new referendum to introduce the Purge. Party leader Nigel Farage spoke exclusively to the Studio Exec:

I saw the film The Purge and I said, ‘where’s my pad and pen? These are some good ideas.’ The idea would be for all the good people, the ordinary people, to be able to get rid of all the people who aren’t good or ordinary. You know the experts and thinkers and the immigrants and refugees and all that. You see why do people come to Britain now? Why do we have all these refugees? Because they’re fleeing violence and terror. So if we have a bit of violence and terror in Britain as well, then perhaps they’ll think twice.

But that’s a terrible idea. The film is supposed to be a dystopia.

And that’s exactly what we want in the United Kingdom now that we’re free of the vile Brussels dominance. More dystopia and less liberal whining.

But no one will vote for this. It’s against their own interests. Nigel stop laughing this is serious.

I know, I know. It’s just that’s what everyone said the last time. It’s not like we’ll be telling them the truth.

The Purge Election Day will be released later this year.