TRUE DETECTIVE 2 CASTING CONFIRMED

HOLLYWOOD – Last night, Nic Pizzolato confirmed True Detective 2 will star Ashton Kutcher, John Cryer and Angus T. Jones.

Pizzolato explained his decision:

What we have here is the whole package. They’ve worked together before, plumbing the dark obsidian heart of the American family in Two and a Half Men. And with Angus T. Jones we have exactly they kind of loopy Christianity which is perfect for the character. 

It has already been confirmed that the characters for the Second Season will be totally different from the first season. And the setting of the show will also have changed. 

We are in California now. Not Los Angeles, but the less known California. Disneyland, Sacramento, the Big Sur. Places like that. And the story is all about the dark mythos of the lurking deities of the mouse which haunts the Californian hinterlands of the swirling psychosphere.  

 True Detective 2 returns in 2015.

ANGUS T. JONES REFUSES TO GROW A DECENT BEARD

COLORADO – Former child star of uber-popular sitcom Two and a Half Men where he played the hilarious half, Jake Harper, Angus T. Jones has once more shocked the world with a statement in which he explicitly refuses to grow a decent beard.

His statement reads:

It is against my Christian beliefs which I hold very close to my heart to grow a proper man bush. This scraggly pubic horror that you see lingering here beneath my nose and mouth is a sign that I am not pray to the vanity that currently disgusts me and any right minded Christian folk. If the Lord wishes to remove this abomination from my face, then he in his Almighty goodness could do so with even the lightest of breezes. That breeze is yet to come.

Many have criticized Charlie Sheen for encouraging the young actor, but blame has also fallen on Ashton Kutcher who has a record of sporting less than totally convincing facial herbage.  Mr. Kutcher could not be reached as he is currently engaged to marry Mila Kunis and, well…

Christian groups however have also come out and criticized Jones. Pastor Hampton, a theologian of mustaches, beards, whiskers and goatees told Studio Exec:

Mr. Jones is being very restrictive in his reading of the Bible. Although Leviticus does state ‘Lo! Bless the growth upon thy chops be it never so scrawny and look not away at another man’s beard with envy’. But we know for a FACT that Moses and Noah had beards. And we’re talking Sequoias in comparison to Angus’ butt fluff. And were they not holy men?

 However Jones is unrepentant and his sect – Church of the Barefaced Jesus – is also fully supportive. ‘It is a fact,’ said the head of the sect Barney Stump. ‘That our Lord Christ is depicted in the earliest renderings as a bare faced youth. The beard was only added by the Byzantines later, where a beard was a symbol of kingship.’

If you have a view on Angus T. Jones’ beard please use the comment box below to leave your thought droppings.  

THOMAS PYNCHON AND TERRENCE MALICK TO STAR IN TWO AND A HALF MEN

 

HOLLYWOOD – Hit CBS sit-com Two and a Half Men will have a new pair of regular stars next Fall when renowned novelist Thomas Pynchon and film director Terrence Malick make their acting debuts, joining Jon Cryer and Ashton Kutcher in the award winning show.

The long time Two and a Half Men fan and author of Gravity’s Rainbow, Pynchon said:

I watched it from the very beginning and I loved it. I must admit when Charlie Sheen got hit by the train I was sad and I wasn’t sure the show could maintain its highly hilarious comedic output, but on reflection and with everything that is now available, all the information I mean, Ashton Kutcher has been a revelation. And who would have thought it? He was shit in What Happens in Vegas.

Pynchon and To the Wonder director Terrence Malick will play Harvey Schmidt (Walden’s uncle) and Joey Harper (Alan’s uncle) respectively. ‘We move in to the house in Malibu with the guys and at first we’re like chalk and cheese,’ said the New World director. ‘But then, and here’s the genius, we click.’ 

Chuck Lorre – the show’s creator – said:

The idea had been kicking around. I was a huge fan of Tom and Terry’s work. I thought it was just great, if not particularly funny. But when I met them both at a party, I was knocked out by how funny they were in real life. It was like watching Walter Matthau and Jack Lemmon sparring. They had the room in tears. I was in the shower the next morning when the idea came to me. I called them up and they were initially reluctant but you know a little numbers flew around and you don’t get that kind of money winning Palme d’Or or shifting hardbacks.

Lorre added that if the 12th season was a success he fully envisioned a spin off movie. ‘We’d like to do an Odd Couple kind of film with Tom and Terry. Hey Tom and Terry! There’s your title.’

Season 12 of Two and a Half Men will broadcast in 2014.