COPPOLA ANNOUNCES APOCALYPSE NOW PREQUEL IN THE WORKS

HOLLYWOOD – Following on from the critical and commercial success of Twixt, Tetro and Youth Without Youth, Francis Ford Coppola has turned his attention to his long gestated Apocalypse Now prequel, provisionally entitled Apocalypse ASAP.

‘We have a script, that I’m very pleased with,’ said Coppola, speaking from his vineyard and olive oil export/import business headquarters. ‘The one thing that has been holing us up has been to find a star of the caliber of Marlon Brando to play the young Kurtz. But when I saw Shia LaBeouf in Lawless I knew I had my man.’

The official studio synopsis reads:

We meet Col. Kurtz as a boy organizing orchard raids with the other children and playing in fields of gardenias. This idyll will change when the Vietnam War breaks out and – now a man and career soldier – Kurtz gets in trouble with his the brass after organising a blues/rock concert when they wanted a rock/blues concert. He becomes a Green Beret – he was ‘the oldest to hump it round that course’ – and then heads of into the jungle for larks.

Coppola has already stated that he wants Apocalypse ASAP to be lighter in tone to Apocalypse Now. ‘For instance, in Apocalypse Now, The Doors gave us this brooding disturbing soundtrack. For Apocalypse ASAP, I’ve asked One Direction to come up with something jaunty and fun,’ said Coppola.

However, Shia LaBeouf has yet to confirm his participation. In a statement issued via his agent, Mr. LaBeouf commented:

I would be very excited to work with the legendary director of The Godfather and Apocalypse Now, but less excited to work with the director of Dracula and The Godfather Part Three and I really don’t want to work with the director of Twixt and Jack.  

Coppola seemed unperturbed by the setback.

‘I have an ace up my sleeve,’ he said pulling at his beard with both hands. ‘And his name is Hayden Christensen. Cheap my friend. Very cheap.’

Apocalypse ASAP starts filming sometime in 2014.

FRANCIS FORD COPPOLA ADMITS: ‘YES, I MADE A FILM WITH VAL KILMER’

SAN FRANSCICO – Legendary director and bon vivant Francis Ford Coppola admitted yesterday to a secret Val Kilmer film. The film was made in 2011 – when nobody was looking – and is called Twixt.

To avoid it being seen by anyone, Coppola released it in Belgium only, hoping that Belgians didn’t have internet connection yet, or telephones, or a working postal system. In the film, a clearly out of shape Val Kilmer plays a writer whose career seems to be in ‘terminal decline’. Sound familiar?  While on a book tour, Kilmer gets invloved in a murder mystery in a small town, stuff happens and it’s kind of like Twin Peaks but without the diamond-like clarity or unassailable plot logic.

A source close to Coppola said that he liked the challenge of making a Val Kilmer movie, but afterwards felt embarrassed, like he’d been caught picking his nose and eating it.