ROBERT DOWNEY JNR RUMORED FOR TWIN PEAKS

HOLLYWOOD – A studio insider has revealed that Robert Downey Jnr is in final negotiations to play one of the lead roles in the new series of Twin Peaks.

“He’s the first name on David Lynch’s list,” said the anonymous insider:

It’s a part ideally suited to Robert’s talent and experience. They’re currently working through some contract details but I’m pretty we’ll have an announcement before the end of the month.

Although the script remains a closely guarded secret, our source revealed that Downey Jnr will play the role of billionaire playboy Tony Stark AKA Iron Man:

In the original script Lynch wanted him to play a completely different character but he quickly realised that Downey Jnr can only do Tony Stark these days so he incorporated that into the story. Because  of the change Agent Cooper now works for SHIELD, the log lady is in possession of one of the infinity gems and Killer Bob is a half man/half Komodo dragon super villain.

Asked what else we can expect from the new series, our man dropped a bombshell:

I know I shouldn’t say this but Samuel L. Jackson will definitely be making an appearance as Nick Fury and possibly a guy who you wouldn’t like when he’s angry.

As for Stark’s wife Pepper Potts played by Gwyneth Paltrow:

Oh, David kills her off in the very first episode. I’m not telling you how she dies but it’s dark, it’s gruesome and vomit came out of my nose when I read it.

The new series of Twin Peaks is due in 2016

MILEY CYRUS JOINS TWIN PEAKS SEASON 3

HOLLYWOOD – Following on from the startling news that Showtime are to revive Twin Peaks in 2016, comes the weirdest news still: Miley Cyrus is set to feature in the new show as everyone’s favorite worst denim-clad nightmare Bob.

The Studio Exec can reveal EXCLUSIVELY that in an attempt to boost the show’s audience among the youth cohort, David Lynch and Mark Frost have opted for some radical casting decisions.

David Lynch spoke with the Studio Exec in the early hours of this morning, with the sound of a squalling baby and a rusty radio playing dance hits from the 1930s in the background:

Bob is an essential figure for Twin Peaks. In many ways he is the alter ego of Agent Cooper and so it was important that just as Cooper is due to return in the form of his son, so Bob – it is revealed – had a daughter: Bobette. We were thinking of going with a frightening actor like Michael Shannon, but when I saw Ms. Cyrus’ performance at the VMAs a year or so back, it was clear not so much that I had found my new Bob, as that new Bob had found me. I don’t think I’ve had a proper night’s sleep since. SHUT THAT GODDAMNED BABY UP!

The sound of David Lynch’s voice was replaced by a percussive industrial grinding.

For more on the new Season of Twin Peaks CLICK HERE.

Pic courtesy of .

KANYE WEST TO COMPOSE TWIN PEAKS SCORE

NEW YORK – Eccentric rapper Kanye West has revealed he is to write and compose the soundtrack for the new series of Twin Peaks.

“Lynch called me up and said, ‘Kanye, this is gonna be the biggest series of all time and I need the greatest rapper of all time,” said a humble West.

I said ‘D, I got irons in the fire ready to be forged into musical swords. I’m designing my own threads and looking out for my baby momma. I ain’t got time to bleed for you.’ but as I was turning him down these shapes and words started formin’:

♫Peak to the twin/Twin to the peak/

My lady’s got a log and she telling me it speaks./

Laura Palmer’s dead but don’t bother the state trooper/

Just pour a cup of coffee/ call that n*gger Agent Cooper ♫

Lynch was all over it, in fact he started crying down the phone and calling me a genius. I took it well.

West went on to say that after he’s completed Twin Peaks he’s keen to score more TV shows:

Kim was watching Orange is the New Black, she loves that shit and I was chilling next to her checking my twitter account when suddenly, these shapes and words started formin’:

♫ Black to the Orange/Orange to the black/

My woman is in prison cos she dealt a lot of crack./

Bitch is in her jumpsuit chasing round a chicken/

then playing house with Alex Vause and doing lady licking ♫

New episodes or Twin Peaks are due in 2016.

TWIN PEAKS NEW GENERATION ‘WILL APPEAL TO YOUTH’

HOLLYWOOD – Mark Frost and David Lynch’s cult TV show Twin Peaks is to return to television courtesy of Showtime and a re-imagining which will continue the story through the new younger generation.

David Lynch and co-creator Frost had already taken to Twitter to hint at a renewal of the show which ran for thirty episodes and a spin off movie, Fire Walk With Me, but the Dune director wanted to speak at length and EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec:

I’ve been really into my Transcendental Meditation for ages now. And it has been satisfying, you sit there and become one with the universe more or less, but the downside of it is a. cramps and b. it gets really, really boring. So when Mark called me up and said he had some ideas for a new Twin Peaks I said, ‘let’s do this’.

What will the new show be like?

It’ll be the young kids. I don’t see how anyone can even remember who Kyle MacLachlan is anymore, so I want to go with Dale Cooper’s son, Rodney Cooper, played by Zac Efron. Rodney is called to the town when his dad goes missing and it turns out that the Son of Bob (Freddie Highmore), a mysterious serial killer might be responsible. Of course, the girl with the twig (Selena Gomez) roams the town weirdly as does Donna Hayward’s daughter Marcy (Ariana Grande). There’s going to be a lot more music in this version. I’ve been watching a lot of Glee and I think that will add something to the show, though Mark is a bit resistant.

Will this change of direction effect other aspects of the show?

Yes. Instead of Damn Fine Coffee, Rodney Cooper will say things like hashtag DFC.

Twin Peaks: The New Generation will be broadcast early in the Spring, 2015.  

LOST MOVIE IS GO

HOLLYWOOD – It’s the news everyone has been waiting for: cult TV show Lost is coming to the big screen in the David Lynch helmed Lost: the Motion Picture.

Scriptwriter Damon Lindelof told the Studio Exec the script was ready and the principal actors ‘had nothing better to do’. He went on:

This will be my opportunity to set things right. I know a lot of people had issues with the show finale and I got a lot of shit for it. I get it. I get the anger. But – having watched Breaking Bad and left Twitter – I think I’m more than capable of pulling this one out of the fire in a way that will surprise and impress many people.

Director David Lynch declared himself enthused with the prospect of bringing his own surreal vision to the material:

When I did Twin Peaks a lot of people went ‘Woah, what is this? A lady with a log?’ And so later when Lost came out, I was like ‘Oh right so this is better? F*cking polar bears?’ But now I met Damon and we can bury the hatchet. I must say I’m impressed with the way Damon has written the script. He employs Eastern meditation techniques, emptying his mind completely and then writing.

Although naturally not wanting to give away any of the ‘plot’, Mr. Lindelof did hint at the direction the film would take:

We’ve scrapped the finale completely. That was a dream that Jack wakes up from after he accidentally inhaled some of his the new batch he was cooking. He needs to rescue Kate and Hurley and the others from some neo-Nazis. So he gets this machine gun and – this is the clever bit – he has it on a robotic thing so it will move from side to side. Anyway that’s all I can say. And he’ll have a shaved head and a goatee.

Lost will be released in 2015. 

DAVID LYNCH TO DIRECT SHIA

HOLLYWOOD – Until recently it was Ron Howard’s dream project but a falling out with the studio about budgeting and disagreements on set with lead actor Daniel Day Lewis has led to Ron Howard being replaced by David Lynch as the director of Shia, the biopic based on the life of Shia LaBeouf.

With his interests in transcendental meditation and his new career as a recording artist, many inside Hollywood had given Lynch up as having gone into early retirement. His last film Inland Empire came out in 2006 and divided both critics and audiences. Since then the weirdness himself has been concentrating on promoting his meditation centre and making his hair approximate a question mark. So why the change of heart? Studio Exec asked when we caught up with David at the Chick-Fil-A at Venice Beach.

 

In Lars Von Trier’s Nymphomaniac

‘For Shia,’ Lynch says, tucking into his homophobic bucket. ‘Shia LaBeouf isn’t just a man. Nor is he simply an actor. He’s the universe. He’s talking forwards, talking backwards, the Elephant Man, the dancing dwarf, the lady with the log, Dennis Hopper and Isabella Rosselini. He’s those big willy-looking worms from Dune. He is America. He is the Universe.’

But isn’t he quite young…?

‘He is youth, he is wisdom,’ says Lynch. ‘Shia is an actor who has galvanized a generation, mesmerized a nation, unified the universe. Did you see him in Lawless?’

But what about Daniel Day Lewis?

‘He’ll do,’ smirks Lynch.

For more on the early stages of Shia click here.

Shia will be released in 2015.

FRANCIS FORD COPPOLA ADMITS: ‘YES, I MADE A FILM WITH VAL KILMER’

SAN FRANSCICO – Legendary director and bon vivant Francis Ford Coppola admitted yesterday to a secret Val Kilmer film. The film was made in 2011 – when nobody was looking – and is called Twixt.

To avoid it being seen by anyone, Coppola released it in Belgium only, hoping that Belgians didn’t have internet connection yet, or telephones, or a working postal system. In the film, a clearly out of shape Val Kilmer plays a writer whose career seems to be in ‘terminal decline’. Sound familiar?  While on a book tour, Kilmer gets invloved in a murder mystery in a small town, stuff happens and it’s kind of like Twin Peaks but without the diamond-like clarity or unassailable plot logic.

A source close to Coppola said that he liked the challenge of making a Val Kilmer movie, but afterwards felt embarrassed, like he’d been caught picking his nose and eating it.