DAVID LYNCH CHUCKIE EGG MOVIE GREENLIT

Breaking News – Hot on the tails of the Super Mario Bros movie announcement, it has been confirmed that a David Lynch Chuckie Egg movie is in development. The David Lynch Chuckie Egg movie will be based on the smash hit 80s computer game of the same name. The Exec caught up with Lynch to discuss his new project.

[Cough] David, do you have to smoke in here during the interview?

Yes.

… Ok then. Can You Tell Us What Drew You To Such A Different Kind Of Project?

Well, it’s like this. People know me for making films that don’t necessarily have linear narratives, bourgeois constructs or easy to follow plots, if any. I’m an artist that seeks constant reinvention and stimulus. Therefore I was very stimulated when Paramount drove a truck full of money up to my home and told me to look at their script for Chuckie Egg: The Movie. I thought to myself, ‘David, it’s time for reinvention. Oh, and a new swimming pool. Ya can’t forget the swimming pool.’

So This Isn’t Going To Be A Subversive Take On The Computer Game Movie Genre?

Fuck, no! As I said, I have reinvented myself. I’m gonna be the darling of the studios. You think Ron Howard is a safe, 7/10 kinda director? You aint seen nothing yet. I’m gonna direct this shit by the numbers. I’ve already been on to McDonalds about a Chuckie Egg McMuffin tie in. This will be the blandest movie I ever made.

Is It Live Action Or CGI?

It’s whatever the fuck the producers tell me it’s gonna be. We haven’t had the initial feedback data from the focus groups yet, so we really can’t say at this stage. But I guarantee you this, Mr Chuckie will have his eggs and eat them.

Had You Ever Heard Of Chuckie Egg Before You Read The Script?

Script? Have you seen the script? If you do, then please forward me a copy. I’ve heard it’s great. But to answer your question, no. I never played video games in the 80s. I was too busy making Dune, Blue Velvet and Twin Peaks. What were you doing?

David Lynch’s Chuckie Egg: The Movie Starts Filming In December

KANYE WEST TO COMPOSE TWIN PEAKS SCORE

NEW YORK – Eccentric rapper Kanye West has revealed he is to write and compose the soundtrack for the new series of Twin Peaks.

“Lynch called me up and said, ‘Kanye, this is gonna be the biggest series of all time and I need the greatest rapper of all time,” said a humble West.

I said ‘D, I got irons in the fire ready to be forged into musical swords. I’m designing my own threads and looking out for my baby momma. I ain’t got time to bleed for you.’ but as I was turning him down these shapes and words started formin’:

♫Peak to the twin/Twin to the peak/

My lady’s got a log and she telling me it speaks./

Laura Palmer’s dead but don’t bother the state trooper/

Just pour a cup of coffee/ call that n*gger Agent Cooper ♫

Lynch was all over it, in fact he started crying down the phone and calling me a genius. I took it well.

West went on to say that after he’s completed Twin Peaks he’s keen to score more TV shows:

Kim was watching Orange is the New Black, she loves that shit and I was chilling next to her checking my twitter account when suddenly, these shapes and words started formin’:

♫ Black to the Orange/Orange to the black/

My woman is in prison cos she dealt a lot of crack./

Bitch is in her jumpsuit chasing round a chicken/

then playing house with Alex Vause and doing lady licking ♫

New episodes or Twin Peaks are due in 2016.