TRUE DETECTIVE 2: NIGHT FINDS YOU REVIEW

TRUE DETECTIVE ‘NIGHT FINDS YOU’ REVIEW – There follows a review of the second episode of season 2 of True Detective. There are spoilers.

I’m not sure if I’m going to review every episode. I don’t know if I have the energy. I feel like every single character on the show, darkly brooding, vaguely incompetent and humorless to the point of rigor mortis. This week’s episode began with an opening monologue by Vince Vaughn – to put beside all those other Vince Vaughn monologues – and herein we have some of the problems with this season so far. Vince’s gangster lies in bed with his wife and starts muttering about the water stain on the ceiling. Cut! Leave it there. We get it, everything is falling apart. No, now we have long monologue about a childhood of neglect, locked in a cellar for a few days. It’s a bit needy, and the feeling is we’re being positioned to feel sympathy for this character, before he has done anything to earn it. We’re supposed to root for him, because of this. Just to make sure we got it, Vince makes sure we know not only that he is still in that cellar, but that the water stain was a symbol of this. If Nic Pizzolatto was a first time writer, this scene would have been slashed by red pen – ‘show not tell’ would be written in the margin, but as it stood the overwritten grandstanding was allowed to stand.

The investigation gets under way as each of the jurisdictions is given a representative on the special squad: Ray Velcro (Colin Farrell) has floppy hair and a tragic mustache, Antigone Flibby-dibbly-dee (Rachel McAdams) smokes an e-cig and Paul Exposition (Taylor Kitsch) has the haunted look of a man who starred in John Carter and won’t be allowed to forget. The latter also revealed himself to be a repressed homosexual  in one of the clunkiest exchanges of the series so far which even had one of the characters commenting on the clunkiness of it. The dialogue is uniformly awful, with everyone saying everything, sometimes twice. ‘There are appointments with his psychiatrist. Looks like he was seeing a shrink,’ says Ray ‘Sherlock’ Velcro.

The ominous soundtrack and the industrial landscape hint that something terrible is lurking here – ‘What is this place?’ Ani says as they drive past what I believe is usually called ‘a factory’. And these are detectives? The final scene offers the first real hook of the series and will probably guarantee that I’ll tune in again next week. I will be hugely disappointed if we open to ‘INT: HOSPITAL. NIGHT. Ray is hooked up to a life support machine.’ Ray dying would be a nice quick twist. And frankly he deserves to die. He walks into a house where a murder might have taken place, sees a large pool of blood and then holsters his weapon? I might not be a ‘true’ detective, but I’ve got a feeling neither is Ray.

For more Reviews CLICK HERE.

VINCE VAUGHN TO STAR IN REMAKE OF KINDERGARTEN COP

HOLLYWOOD – Vince Vaughn is to star in a remake of the Arnold Schwarzenegger classic Kindergarten Cop.

The news came following an infamous GQ interview in which True Detective Season 2 star, Vince Vaughn revealed his forthright opinions on firearms. He dropped in to the Studio Exec Bungalow to explain his thinking on the issue of gun violence and the second amendment.

What I said in that interview put the cat among the pigeons. I don’t really know why. I like guns, Brad Pitt likes guns, Steven Spielberg likes guns. You throw a rock in the rich part of Hollywood and you’ll hit someone who likes guns. Then you’ll be shot by someone who likes guns. So on second thoughts, don’t throw rocks in Hollywood!

How did this lead you onto the Kindergarten Cop remake?

My argument was that if people had guns in schools then that would put an end to school shootings because there would be the ability for the kids etc to return fire. But the idea of kids and teachers and what not having guns in schools is a cultural oddity, it’s just something we’re not used to seeing outside of a massacre, so I wanted to make a picture that would feature me as a lovable rogue cop who has to go undercover in a kindergarten to bust a drugs ring…

How did a…?

Shhh… and I have all these guns and me and the kids defend the school. Imagine Assault on Precinct 13 meets Home Alone, but with the guy from Dodgeball.

Wow!

I know. But although this will be a knock about shoot ’em up comedy, it’s also going to have a serious political message, NRA approved.

Kindergarten Cop Genisys will be released in 2016.

Image courtesy of @ThePixelFactor.

TRUE DETECTIVE SEASON 2: VAUGHN AND WILSON CONFIRMED

HOLLYWOOD – The second season of True Detective will star Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson in a surprise move announced by HBO for the hit show which will screen in June.

Show runner Nic Pizzolatto said the he was psyched to work with the two actors and had written the script with them very much in mind. He told Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

I know that we were talking about a lot of different actors and some other names were circulating recently – someone even said we should get that asshole from Alexander! Ha, but ever since I saw The Wedding Crashers I knew who the two most interesting American actors alive today were and I wanted to work with them. The Internship only confirmed my opinion further.

Can you tell us something about the story?

Yes. The tone will be different. I want to play to Vince and Owen’s strengths and I don’t want to retread old ground. So I’m making them two bachelor detectives. One is a bit of a lady’s man and a cynic, the other is a hopeless romantic always falling in love. They have to go undercover in a college where young girls have been hurt due to an illegal pillow fighting ring. Seth Rogen is penciled in to play the Sociology professor who masterminds the villainy, but that’s a spoiler so don’t print that.

Okay. The last show brought about the much talked about McConaissance. Is there any chance there will be Vaughnaissance? Or an Owensurrestion?

 Ha ha! No. I mean… No.

True Detective 2 will be broadcast June, 2015.

JIM CARREY JOINS TRUE DETECTIVE SEASON 2

HOLLYWOOD – Following the news that Vince Vaughn, Owen Wilson and Rachel McAdams have all been cast for True Detective Season 2, the Studio Exec can confirm that Jim Carrey will be joining them in the new HBO show.

According to sources close to the production (it was show runner Nic Pizzolato but he made us promise to be discrete), Jim Carrey has approved the script and will be filming his scenes early next week.

Nic the anonymous source said:

As everyone already knows, we have decided to completely change this season. Not only are the characters going to be different, so is the story and the tone. Although it takes place in the same universe and there will be strands and possible cameos to connect the two seasons we want to do something that is so out there that people will be really knocked over. They’ll say ‘What the F*ck?’ and we’ll say ‘Oh. Yeah’.

What is the Dumb and Dumber star going to contribute?

We’d like to say madcap rubber faced comedy, but having seen Mr. Popper’s Penguins I think we’ll just be happy if there’s some rubber faced nonsense that’ll have to do.  The think I love about Jim is though there is this ostensible humor, at its root there is a Lovecraftian darkness of unspeakable horror and grief, a loathing for the world and all life and a hopelessness that makes Rust Cole seem like Steve Guttenberg. Steve Guttenberg… hmmm. Now there’s a thought.

True Detective Season 2 will be broadcast sometime in 2015.

OWEN WILSON TO UNPURSE LIPS IN 2015

HOLLYWOOD – Actor and comic genius Owen Wilson is undergoing surgery that will permanently unpurse his lips by 2015.

Doctor Andrew Cardaydigan spokes EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec:

This is usually a very simple procedure, but Mr. Wilson unfortunately has been pursing his lips permanently ever since Bottle Rocket, Wes Anderson debut film from 1996. Since then his whole career has consisted of pursing his lips, although he did take a brief hiatus for Behind Enemy Lines, but no one actually saw that.

Is the procedure dangerous?

It shouldn’t be normally. No. But with Wilson, you see, all the muscles around his mouth, his jaw, even as far down to the muscles along his flank and groin, are braced to create this amazing expression like someone is about to sip a strong lemony drink through a straw. And those muscles because of this activity have become atrophied. There is a danger that his whole head could make a wet sucking noise and disappear into the chest so that only a shock of that lovable dirty straw mop top would be visible from what would be – admittedly – a gory neck hole.

F*ck!

Absolutely. But on the bright side, nothing can be as disgusting or abhorrent as Marley and Me.

Point taken.

Owen Wilson will next appear in True Detective Season 2 next to old pal Vince Vaughn. For more on that story click here.