QUENTIN TARANTINO CASTS SAMUEL L. JACKSON IN NEW STAR TREK MOVIE

HOLLYWOOD – Samuel L. Jackson joins Quentin Tarantino’s new Star Trek movie.

News is coming thick and fast about Quentin Tarantino’s new Star Trek movie. First he pitches the idea to Paramount and JJ Abrams. Now it looks like his cast is already firming up with Samuel L. Jackson beaming himself up. Quentin came over to the Studio Exec bungalow keen to chat EXCLUSIVELY to the team.

We’re so stoked about this project. Usually I make my own films up utterly. I mean everything. The plot, the characters, the shots, well not the shots, and some of the lines I take from other movies, and the plots and the characters. But other than that totally original. This will be the first time I enter a pre-existing franchise.

So what’s the idea?

Ah, you know me Exec. I ain’t gonna just spill the beans on this one. Usually that’s Michael Madsen’s job. Ha ha! No, but seriously I am a huge Star Trek fan. I woke up one morning and the idea was there. Boom. So I scribbled it down in the bright green crayon I use for my best ideas. And I was on the phone to Harvey. Shit. I mean I was on the phone to J.J. Abrams and he was as excited as I was. We got into so much that instead of saying goodbye I told him ‘May the Force Be with You’.

Because he’s making the Star Wars film.

What? Yeah, I guess. NO, we’re talking Star Trek now.

And Samuel L. Jackson?

He’s key. There’s going to be a reference to one of his earlier movies. In fact that’s where I got the idea from.

Tribbles on a Star Ship will be released in 2019.

LAST JEDI WILL FEATURE TRIBBLES

HOLLYWOOD – Reports claim Star Wars: Episode 8: The Last Jedi to feature Tribbles.

An old Star Wars favorite the Tribbles are to make a return to the new Rian Johnson film: Star Wars Episode 8: The Last Jedi.

The film stars Mark Hamill, Daisy Ridley, John Boyega, Carrie Fisher and Adam Driver.

A source close to the production told the Studio Exec:

Early in the production Rian introduced the idea of the Tribbles. It was something that JJ Abrams suggested, but Rian agreed completely. Initially, they were going to just have a small role, but they kinda multiplied if you know what I mean. Now they’ve become the  dominant character. I don’t want to give too much away but there’s about five minutes of the film which is about Luke Skywalker and Rey. And the rest of it is Tribbles all the way through.

Is Chewbacca a kind of Tribble?

No. But the Tribbles worship him as a God.

Like in Return of the Jedi.

There weren’t any Tribbles in Return of the Jedi.

Right. Wait, aren’t Tribbles like a Star Trek thing?

Star Trek… Star Wars, what’s the difference?

Star Wars The Last Jedi will be released in December.

BRYAN CRANSTON TO PLAY SPOCK IN NEW STAR TREK

HOLLYWOOD – CBS have announced that the new Star Trek will feature Bryan Cranston as Spock in the reboot of Star Trek due out in 2017.

Although the new Stark Trek is to feature new characters, it has been confirmed that an exception will be made for everyone’s favorite Vulcan, Mr. Spock and he will be played by everyone’s favorite meth cook Bryan Cranston. Studio Exec has managed courtesy of The Pixel Factor to obtain a short screen test that was completed on the CBS lot.

It clearly shows Bryan Cranston’s amazing transformation into Mr. Spock, a doppelganger of the late Leonard Nimoy.

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Star Trek: Into the Tribbles will be released in 2017.

NEW STAR TREK TO FOCUS ON TRIBBLES

HOLLYWOOD – CBS announced today that the reboot of Star Trek will focus entirely on Tribbles.

The news that Star Trek is to boldly go where it’s already been was received with delight by the internet and the Studio Exec was able to sit down with Alex Kurtzman to discuss the project.

So Alex what can you tell us about the new series?

It will be out in the Fall of 2017 and it will feature totally new characters and worlds, but the main characters will all be Tribbles.

These are the little furry things?

Yeah, exactly. They’re basically a metaphor for Catholics in that they just reproduce all the time with no sense of restraint or contraception. But now time has passed and the Tribbles have reached a higher consciousness and they can communicate and this is going to be like House of Cards, full of intrigue and dirty strange sex.

Wow! Who is going to play the Tribbles?

We have Jack Black as the leader of the Tribbles, James Franco and Winona Ryder both want to be Tribbles as well, and Benicio Del Toro wants to be a Klingon, and then we’re in talks to land Bryan Cranston as everyone’s favorite Vulcan. He’s the one character we want to bring back.

Star Trek: Into Tribbles will be broadcast in the Fall of 2017.

WILLIAM SHATNER REPLACES CHRIS PINE IN STAR TREK BEYOND

HOLLYWOOD – It is the news ever Trekker/Trekkie has been waiting for: William Shatner will take over from Chris Pine in Star Trek Beyond.

Rumors had been circulating about Star Trek Beyond casting problems for months with a source close to the production claiming that William Shatner had been spending a lot of time on set, ostensibly helping Chris Pine.

Subbing on directing duties from J.J. Abrams who made both Star Trek and Star Trek Into Darkness, Roberto Orci was quick to defend the decision:

Chris has done a wonderful job for us with the first two films, but basically everyone was missing that old Shatner magic so I ‘beamed him up’. Ha ha! Well, I telephoned him and offered him the gig. Initially it was going to be a cameo. A time travel kind of thing with Chris and Bill meeting up and having a discussion about life and it was a really touching moment on the script. People warned me that Shatner was an egotistical maniac but he was the sweetest guy. In the first meeting he was so concerned that Chris would be overworked he insisted that he take on the whole part himself and so we rewrote the script to fulfill that vision. Chris was so happy, he was in tears.

Orci was also forthcoming about some plot elements.

Yes, there will be Tribbles.

Meanwhile, Chris Pine is eyeing his post-Trek future.

He told Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

Oh, I have a lot of options. I mean Kirk was a great opportunity for a young actor like me, but I’ve got the Jack Ryan franchise which if anything is bigger than Star Trek and I have the sequel to This Means War, which everyone has been clamoring for me to do. And I have… Oh God. Oh God no. [Sobs uncontrollably]. WHY? WHY!!!??

Star Trek Beyond: The Trouble with Tribbles will be released in 2016.

STAR TREK 2: NEW TITLE AND PLOT DETAILS REVEALED

 HOLLYWOOD – News about the latest in the Star Trek franchise as Star Trek 2 gets a new title and synopsis.

‘First of all we’re not calling it Star Trek 2,’ said Abrams, throwing back a bottle of Cointreau. ‘It’s called Star Trek Into Darkness with Tribbles.’Fans have waited with baited breath for the follow up to J.J.J. Abrams’ wonderful 2009 Star Trek reboot, but only Studio Exec can reveal plot details after obtaining an exclusive interview with the vivacious bespectacled Super (8) geek himself.

Tribbles! That’s the best news since the test results came back!

‘We wanted a really iconic villain,’ says Abrams. ‘We have a great actor in Benedict Cumberbund…’
‘Cumberbatch,’ I interject.

‘Yeah. Whatever. And we thought lets bring back the tribbles. So we use motion capture and he plays them all basically. You should see him rolling around on the floor covered in balls. What an ass!’

 The Tribbles news will send lashings of orgasmic fluid from Trekkies everywhere, drenching passers by. The small furry aliens featured in a much loved episode of the original series first broadcast in December, 1969. William Shatner’s Kirk was bemused by the  little beasts, that threatened the safety of the Enterprise by basically reproducing too much. The goatish Kirk couldn’t help a smirk of frank admiration.

By now Adams was wringing the empty bottle of Cointreau to get out the last drops.

‘We thought what worked most about the first one was the humor and the Tribbles are really funny. I mean come on, look at them,’ Abrams points at the dailies and we have a moment of forced laughter. Abrams finds another bottle of  Cointreau and bites through the glass of the bottle to get through to the orangey liqueur  ‘Of course Zachery’s gone off and made Margin Call so he’s like all I worked with Kevin Spacey, I’m not working with Tribbles, so I’m like the fuck you aren’t. Anyway we’ve got Simon Pegg and he’ll do anything for geek juice.’

What about Chris Pine?

‘After This Means War he’s lucky I let him anywhere near a film set.’

Star Trek Into Darkness With Tribbles is due for release in 2013.