MAN COMPLAINS TRAINSPOTTING 2 TRAILER RUINED HIS EARLY 20S

EDINBURGH – The trailer for Trainspotting 2 dropped today causing a storm of protest with many men complaining that the prospect of the new film ruined memories of their young adulthood.

Danny Boyle’s follow-up to Trainspotting has been eagerly awaited for over four hundred years, but the trailer caused disappointment as Ewan McGregor’s Renton invoked an all too predictable rant about Instagram and Facebook like some sort of Jeremy Clarkson type. Jimmy Spaggs led the complaints:

The original Trainspotting was very important for me and my pals. It got me into heroin. What with the Lou Reed song, overdosing looked great. Then shagging school girls and stealing from your pals, what more could you want? But this new film everyone looks old and tired. Old Ben Kenobi does his best, but there are all these shots that recall the original and it doesn’t do either film any favors. It’s put me right off drugs. I guess I’ll have to go onto crack now.

Trainspotting 2 will be released in 2017.

SCRIPT LEAK: TRAINSPOTTING 2

 Int:Renton is whistling merrily and making a salad in the kitchen of his respectable London flat. The door bell rings, it’s Begbie.

                                                                   Renton
Afternoon Sir. Lovely day isn’t it?
 
Begbie
F*ck you yer f*cking c*nt. Ave you got any f*cking heroin?
 
Renton
I’m a 43 year old charted accountant living in Fulham, Begbie. Where, pray tell, would I purchase heroin from?
 
Begbie
Aw f*cking come on Rents. Just a wee f*cking hit.
 
Renton
Bad day?
 
Begbie
Ack it’s been a right c*nt of a day. Two lads in my class failed their f*cking Maths exam and that c*nt of a headmaster got all up in my face telling me I’ve got to give them extra f*cking tuition after school.
 
Renton
Sounds like a ghastly business. I’m surprised you didn’t attack him.
 
Begbie
Aye I wanted to chin the c*nt but since I’ve been going to those f*cking anger management classes I’m a reformed f*cking character.
 
Renton
Indeed you are. Now do you want to eat now, or after our Yoga class?
 
Begbie
F*cking after you slow c*nt. There’s no f*cking way I can get myself into the Ustrasana position with a full f*cking stomach.
 
Renton
Fine then let’s go. By the way, can you still make it to the Chekov play at the Donmar on Friday night? Sick Boy has already bought the tickets.
 
Begbie
Aw f*ck me! I f*cking forgot. Which f*cking play is it?
 
Renton
The Seagull
 
Begbie
Ack. Aye all f*cking right but if it was that c*nt Uncle Vanya I’d have told you to go f*cking f*ck yourself.


FIN