TOP GUN ATTACK OF THE THETANS ANNOUNCED

HOLLYWOOD – Following on from the premiere of Top Gun: Maverick, Tom Cruise has announced Top Gun: Attack Of The Thetans will go into production this Fall. The surprise announcement came after the world premiere of the fighter jet sequel at Cannes. The Studio Exec caught up with Tom to discuss Top Gun: Attack Of The Thetans, which is slated for a summer 2025 release.

Tom, Where Did You Get The Idea For Top Gun: Attack Of The Thetans?

I got the idea for another Top Gun movie when we started to see the financial projections for Top Gun: Maverick. It’s gonna make a shit ton of money. It then occurred to me that I love making money and people will pay me money to do just about anything. Well, apart from The Mummy. So I thought, why not make another Top Gun movie. That’ll make even more money, which by the way, I love. If you get enough money, you become rich. Then you can do anything. And I mean anything.

I Meant More Specifically Why Attack Of The Thetans?

Ah, I see what you’re getting at. My apologies. Y’see it’s all well and good having people hurling themselves around the sky in jet fighters. That’s very exciting. But it’s not something your average Joe and Joanna can relate to. So I thought, what about the Thetans? If we can get them involved in the franchise, it will ground it (no pun intended). Everyone can relate to Thetans. The way I pitched it to my terrified studio liaison was Top Gun meets Battlefield Earth meets Independence Day. Who wouldn’t want to see that movie?

Are You Being Serious?

Yeah, of course. You’d have to be insane to not want to see that. Or you’d certainly be on several Hollywood blacklists if you said anything to the contrary. Those blacklists totally don’t exist, by the way. But it is nice to have friends, and family, and a career. Isn’t it, you piece of shit.

I’m Sorry, What Did You Say?

There’s no need to apologize. You haven’t done anything wrong… yet. But it’s up to you whether you do or not. Just remember, all our actions have consequences. Far reaching, permanent consequences.

I Love The Sound Of This Movie!

I knew you’d see it my way.

Top Gun: Maverick Is Out In Cinemas Later This Week

TOP GUN 2 GETS TITLE AND FIRST IMAGE

HOLLYWOOD – Maverick is back in Top Gun 2, which now has a title and first image.

Top Gun 2 will go ahead with Tom Cruise and Val Kilmer reprising their roles as Maverick and Iceman. Tom dropped by the Studio Exec bungalow to discuss the new movie:

It’s great. The title is Top Gun: Stair Lift. Me and Val are not as young as we once were. It’d be ridiculous to have us still flying fighter planes. We just can’t do it. Instead we’ve both retired with dodgy hips, but we don’t want to move out of our houses and get like bungalows. So we have these stair lifts installed, but still feeling the need for speed, we soup them up so they travel at amazing speeds.

That’s…

I know.  When I told Val about it, he was so happy. Frankly, I think he was worried that he’d have to get in shape, but the stair lifts are quite resistant. So we start racing these stair lifts as a way of supplementing our pensions. There’s this whole hidden world of illegal stair lift races that no one knows anything about. And the Russian mafia are involved so we actually come face to face with one of the fighter pilots who used to attack us with MIGs. It’s really exciting.

Top Gun 2: Stair Lifts will be released in 2018.

KENNY LOGGINS REACTS TO BOB DYLAN NOBEL PRIZE

HOLLYWOOD – Kenny Loggins has reacted to Bob Dylan’s winning of the Nobel Prize for Literature.

Famed American singer-songwriter Kenny Loggins today reacted to Bob Dylan winning the Nobel Prize for Literature:

I don’t get it. Did I fall asleep and miss something? I’m not doubting that Mr. Dylan had his fifteen minutes in the 60s, but there are others in the music industry who I believe are more deserving of the honor.

Really? Who?

I’m not going to start naming names but I would say how many songs has Dylan written for Caddyshack? There’s a question for one. And Top Gun for that matter? The Danger Zone was number one in Japan. Did you know that?

But Dylan is being recognized for his lyric writing.

Are you kidding me? Do you even know how hard it is to rhyme something with Please? Luckily I came up with Louise and knees, otherwise I would have been in deep shit. And as for social commentary, listen to this: [Singing]

I’ve been working so hard
I’m punching my card
Eight hours for what?
Oh, tell me what I got
I’ve got this feeling
That time’s just holding me down
I’ll hit the ceiling or else
I’ll tear up this town

That’s great, I just think that…

Now I gotta cut loose
Footloose, kick off the Sunday shoes
Please, Louise, pull me off of my knees
Jack, get back, come on before we crack
Lose your blues, everybody cut footloose!!!

Kenny Loggins new album Power Rangers will be released in January, 2017.

TOP GUN 2 WILL INVOLVE AIRPLANES

HOLLYWOOD – Top Gun 2 will involve airplanes, Tom Cruise and Jerry Bruckheimer admitted yesterday.

Yesterday Tom Cruise and Jerry Bruckheimer Skyped the Studio Exec to talk about Top Gun 2 and they were adamant that the sequel to the popular 1986 action movie Tony Scott’s Top Gun will involve airplanes.

Studio Exec: So tell me guys. What’s up with all this noise about Top Gun?

Tom Cruise: We don’t want to give too much away because we want people to be surprised and enjoy the film, but we can say I think Jerry…

Jerry Bruckheimer: Careful Tom!

TC: We can say that there will be airplanes.

JB: I think we’re safe in saying that.

TC: And we’re not talking Word War One bi-wings here.

JB: No, nor are we talking about passenger jets, like 747s or something along those lines.

TC: Can I tell him?

JB: Sure, I guess. You’re not recording this Exec?

SE: No, ahem. No absolutely not.

TC: Okay, well, we’re thinking of getting Maverick back in the seat of one of those military fighter jets.

JB: Along with his Wingman.

TC: They’re gonna light up ISIS.

JB: Shhhh. Tom! Jesus!

TC: Oh yeah, forget I said that.

SE: Is Val Kilmer gonna be in it?

JB: You betcha. We’re gonna have to modify the … he’s put on a little weight, but yeah the Iceman returneth.

Top Gun 2: Topper Gun will be released in 2018.