QUEEN RESIGNS FOLLOWING BREXIT

LONDON – The monarch of the Uited Kingdom Queen Elizabeth II has resigned following the Brexit vote.

The Queen’s resignation – or abdication as she prefers to call it – came in the wake of what has been a shocking ten days following the referendum vote that saw a slim majority opt to leave the European Union.

Prime Minister David Cameron, Boris Johnson, Nigel Farage of UKIP and Chris Evans of Top Gear have all stepped down from their positions of power, citing incapacity, unpopularity, cowardliness or stupidity for their various reasons. Buckingham Palace issued a short statement to the BBC with the news of the departure of the aging monarch:

The Queen has decided to step down following the vote to leave the European Union. She feels that Britain is no longer the place for her family (who are German) or her husband (who is Greek). They will be enjoying their retirement in Spain, alongside the one million British citizens who also reside there.

The comedy Brexit continues next week.

5 FACTS YOU NEVER KNEW ABOUT JEREMY CLARKSON

LONDON – Jeremy Clarkson – long running host of the BBC’s Top Gear franchise – looks set to be fired for a fracas with a producer, but what do we really know about the bubble permed prima donna.

We sent the Studio Exec FACT squad motoring around the English countryside to find out the FACTS about the errant presenter.

1. Jeremy Clarkson wasn’t always irritating. Their was a time in 1988 when he was watchable, affable, knowledgable and perfectly likeable presenter of TV show about cars. That period ended in 1989.

2. Clarkson started life as a door to door salesman of cuddly toys, based on the Paddington bear character. He impressed customers by taking the bears for test drives up and down the road in front of the house. In his native town of Rotherham, Mr. Clarkson broke sales records by selling three Paddington Bear toys in one month, for the sum of £7.

3. As well as being a top class presenter and an expert in all things motoring, Clarkson is also an erudite writer, publishing a series of postmodern novels in which he writes in a first person persona named Clarkson and spews all sorts of ludicrous nonsense as a satire on self-satisfied right wing stupidity. The World According to Clarkson and Round the Bend are the apotheosis of British literary fiction in the last half century.

4. Clarkson lives with his best friends James May and Richard Hammond in a house designed on that used in the Monkees TV series. They often swap clothes and pull hilarious pranks on each other, such as leaving a bucket of cold water balanced precariously above a half opened door and then calling for help.

5. Controversy has been a constant presence in the passenger seat of the life of Clarkson. While filming a Top Gear special in Argentina, Clarkson, May and Hammond captured a local man, amputated the man’s leg and then tricked him into eating it as a ‘joke’. Other incidents include firing on striking workers, drowning a dog, punching a line producer in the ankle and referring to anyone who isn’t Jeremy Clarkson ‘black’. It recently was revealed that the motoring journalist can’t actually drive and is so ignorant of cars that he frequently struggles to get into them, usually going through the trunk and over the back seat.

For more FACTS click HERE.