RON PERLMAN GROWLS YES TO TOM WAITS BIOPIC

HOLLYWOOD – Ron Perlman has confirmed he will play Tom Waits in the long awaited David Lynch biopic of the singer/songwriter Raindog Trombone.

The Hellboy actor Ron Perlman said that he’s looked up to Tom Waits as a hero. And the opportunity to work with Lynch was ‘something every actor dreams of.’

Based on Barney Hoskins’ biography The Low Side of the Road, the script kicked around development hell for sometime, with various directors from Walter Salles to Martin Scorsese attached.

Lynch came on-board only after the subject of the biopic made the request himself in a beautifully written letter which read:

Dear David,

My name’s Tom Waits. I kinda hope you heard of me, heh heh. Yeah, ahem, I know, I know. You must get letters of this kind all the time, but let me be clear, I ain’t gonna grouse or grovel, gravel and chickens and an ol’ 45 as a plate outside the window fills with rain… They’re tryin’ to get a movie made, of crows breaking black against a low November sky. And I’d sure appreciate it, that is, if’n you’d put your hands to the helm and try and get this rickety ol’ ship of a project off of the blunt rocks. Before the scarecrows attack with their penknives and tattoos of weeping clowns. I’ll pay you five gallons of petrol and a valentine nailed to the forehead of the last lawyer you loved.

Yours in a nightmare’s gown,

T. Waits


And David Lynch’s reply read:

Dear Tom,
Cut the bullshit and tell me how much I’m going to get paid.
Best Wishes
David 

Raindog Trombones is due to start filming at three o’clock tomorrow morning.

TOM WAITS RULES HIMSELF OUT AS NEW BATMAN

HOLLYWOOD – Veteran singer/songwriter and actor Tom Waits has ruled himself out of the lead role in the new Batman to be directed by Woody Allen and to begin filming in early 2019.

The gravelly voiced graveyard crooner Tom Waits has been called in to take over from Ben Affleck after he removed himself from the role following dissappointing reviews of Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice. Woody Allen is to take over writing and directing from Zack Snyder who apologized to fans for the mess he had made. ‘I screwed up,’ he told the Studio Exec.

Waits said that he was very flattered by Allen’s invitation but he felt he was ‘too old for the part’.

The bespectacled zany said that Waits had asked him ‘if he was high’ when Allen first approached him about the role. Waits has appeared in a number of films, including most recently Seven Psychopaths.

‘Batman is a very physical role, with lots of fighting and running and jumping and I don’t know if I have the energy for it any more,’ said Waits.

Woody Allen will now be calling on his next choice – Kenneth Brannagh – who is said to be ‘mad keen’ on the idea.

For more on the Woody Allen Batman read here.

TERRY GILLIAM FILMING WORLD CUP MOVIE

BRAZIL – Monty Python director Terry Gilliam is beginning principal photography on The World Cup today. The film will document the most important football tournament in the world while adding touches of Gilliam’s own surreal humor.

Although Gilliam has been toying with the idea for years, he has faced opposition both from the studios and FIFA. He told the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

Heath Ledger was going to play the captain of the Australian football team, but unfortunately he died again. I called Johnny Depp and Colin Farrell and someone else but their phones all seem to be broken. Tom Waits is playing the referee/the Grim Reaper. FIFA were really unhelpful. 

Why?

Well, at the end of the football games I wanted a huge foot to drop on the pitch and squash the players like ants. They didn’t get it.

What made you choose to make this film?

It’s in Brazil. And I made Brazil. And … that’s it.

Do you like football?

Erm. No. 

The World Cup: The Unofficial Film will be released in 2015.