HOLLYWOOD – Who is Steve Guttenberg?

The myths and legends, the lies and calumny, the wishful thinking and nonsense that has cocooned the famous actor Steve Guttenberg need to be policed and for this, we go to the Truth Academy, where the Studio Exec will let you know how it went down and why.

One. He’s still alive.

Two. Steve is a classically trained actor, attending the prestigious Julliard school and studying under John Houseman, before going to California and appearing in Police Academy.

Three. When filming Cocoon, Steve played a trick on the director Ron Howard by giving what he described as ‘the flattest performance I could manage, just completely wooden.’ Unfortunately, Ron didn’t notice and the performance stayed in the picture.

Four. While filming Three Men and a Baby, the story of three confirmed bachelors who are lumbered with a baby who accidentally also happens to have a kilo of cocaine in her diapers, Steve and co-stars Ted Danson and Tom Selleck insisted on taking huge quantities of cocaine ‘to be true to the spirit of the film’.

Five. As well as being a talented actor, Steve is also a trained assassin. His long absence from the screen in the nineties was due to a series of jobs he undertook for a Colombian drug syndicate  ‘I had to take up the slack after Selleck backed out,’ he said of those years. ‘It was fun. I traveled and met some swell people.’

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HOLLYWOOD – In what is being seen as an outrageous excess of gall, former Magnum PI star Tom Selleck is to remake Kevin Costner’s hit movie Waterworld.

Three Men and a Baby star Tom Selleck is to remake Kevin Reynold’s 1995 movie Waterworld. Although originally considered a massive flop at the time, plagued with a number of logistical and ego-derived problems, Waterworld actually went on to make a modest profit in ancillary sales. Tom Selleck came around to the Studio Exec bungalow to speak about what he called his dream project:

I love the original. I love the scale of it. Kevin Costner and Kevin Reynolds were both coming off a massive hit, but even so their combined vision is unbelievable. I’ve always been considered a TV actor and that’s okay with me. But at the same time I’ve longed to have a true break out movie on the big screen and I mean big. A real four wall blockbuster. So This is what I hope to do with Waterworld.

What attracted you to Waterworld in particular?

It combines two themes I am really interested in. First of all the future. I care about the future as anyone who has seen my hedge fund portfolio can tell you. But the other passion I have is water. I love water. I love drinking in it, swimming in it, taking baths and showers and God, watering my lawn. That is a genuine pleasure. I am a firm believer also in the health benefits of water. I think you should drink it down. I really do. So to make a film in which water has become the entire world… That’s a dream come true.

But what do you say to people who say that – considering the water shortage – this film choice is tactless, perhaps even a provocation?

I don’t understand how people could even dream of thinking like that. I’m not a scientist bu the California water shortage is exactly that: a water shortage. I water my crops and fill my pool. I’m using water. How is that a shortage? I’m drinking water right now, look [glug glug]. See!

But the shortage means the more you use the less everyone else has?

I don’t understand that. Surely if there’s a water shortage we should encourage people to use as much water as possible and I am for that. But this is all by the by. In the future the world will be water and my film Waterworld will show the way. In the film an evil government tries to stop rich individuals from using all the water they want to water golf courses and the like. They want to steal rich people’s water and give it to all these so called ‘thirsty’ people. But Magnum (that’s me) part man, part fish, comes along and saves the day.

Waterworld will be released in 2016.

Image courtesy of @ThePixelFactor.


HOLLYWOOD – Gladiator and The Master star Joaquin Phoenix has landed the coveted role of actor Tom Selleck in the biopic Selleck.

The long awaited biopic of moustache carrier and Magnum PI star has long been a pet project of Oliver Stone, but is now finally finding traction under the direction of Terry Gilliam, due (ironically) to a conspiracy.

Gilliam spoke to Studio Exec on the express condition that it was EXCLUSIVELY exclusive:

Oliver was attached early on and will get a story credit, but a lot of people think Oliver’s an asshole, from the man on the street going right up to the highest levels of government, as well as the top level organised crime lords. These men met in dark rooms and decided to take away his pet project, the Selleck biopic, and give it to me. The money was good so I said yes.

Joaquin Phoenix is understood to be preparing for the role by walking around pretending to be an actor.

Selleck will be released in 2015.