JESUS CHRIST RUMOURED FOR GAME OF THRONES

HOLLYWOOD – Jesus Christ’s rumoured cameo in Game of Thrones season six has been the talk of social media but is there any weight to this speculation?

The Studio Exec managed to grab a coffee with the Messiah to chat about the hot gossip:

 

A pleasure to meet you, Jesus. How are you?

I’m great. Keeping busy. We’ve met before, though.

 

Have we?

At the Vogue party in 2003. You remember. Cate Blanchett drank too much Prosecco and vomited over Winona Ryder.

 

Ah yes. We did karaoke together. I’ll have to be honest, I thought you was Jared Leto.

That’s cool. I get that a lot.

 

So Game of Thrones season six. True or not true?

Well, they asked me and I was open to it but unfortunately, I couldn’t fit it into my schedule.

 

I see. So you’re currently working on another project?

Mmm. It’s complicated. You see I’m kind of under contract and it’s impossible to get out of.

 

How come?

It’s a really old contract, like, two thousand years old. Basically I’ve got to be ready for the Second Coming so if judgement day happens, I have to drop everything and save the world. So say I was in the middle of shooting a scene and suddenly…Bang!..it’s the apocalypse, they’d have to replace me. It happened once before. I’d been cast as Goose in Top Gun but then I had to make an appearance on a piece of toast in Brazil. The studio sued me and since then, It’s been hard to get steady work.

 

Wow. You must have missed out on a lot of roles.

Tell me about it. I was the Wachowski’s number one pick for the role of Neo in the Matrix but that fell through when they heard about my contract. So many missed opportunities. The one that still grates is The Passion of Christ. I gave a great audition, went the full method but the lawyers stepped in at the last minute and said no.

 

Lordy. What did you think of The Passion of Christ?

It had its moments. To be honest when I read the original script it was more of a comedy but they made some changes and went in another direction that I didn’t care for.

 

What is your favourite depiction of you on screen?

Oh, Life of Brian. Without a doubt. It’s practically a documentary.

 

Fascinating. So what next?

I’ve written a screenplay called Titanic II: Revenge of the Iceberg. I wrote it as a bit of a joke but I sold it to Michael Bay last month for $6,000,000.

 

Do you have any actors in mind?

A few. I had dinner with Daniel Day-Lewis last night and we chatted about the script. He said he was definitely interested in the main role but he’d need a year or so to prepare. We did want to start shooting in a few months but I respect Daniel’s process. After all, if you’re going to play an iceberg, you have to do it right.

 

Titanic II: Revenge of the Iceberg is due in 2018

SCRIPT LEAK:TITANIC 2



Ext: The Atlantic Ocean

THE CAMERA PANS ACROSS THE OCEAN AND COMES TO REST ON AN ICEBERG. IT THEN DIVES UNDERWATER UNTIL IT REACHES THE WRECK OF THE TITANIC. WHISPERS OF GHOSTS CAN BE HEARD AS WE SURVEY THE DECAYING REMNANTS OF THE SHIP AND ITS CONTENTS. WE MOVE TOWARDS AN OBJECT AND WE SEE IT IS THE SKELETON OF JACK. THE CAMERA PANS CLOSE TO HIS SKULL WHEN SUDDENLY, ITS MOUTH OPENS AND SCREAMS “ROSE!”

Int: Cabin on The Titanic II.

ROSE WAKES UP SCREAMING. IT WAS ALL A DREAM.

Ext: Titanic II

SHE GOES UP ON DECK IN HER DRESSING GOWN AND STARES WISTFULLY OUT TO SEA.

                 Rose
I miss you Jack. I’ve come to bring you home

ROSE TAKES THE ‘HEART OF THE OCEAN’ FROM AROUND HER NECK AND DROPS IT INTO THE SEA.

A WHIRLPOOL APPEARS AND THE TITANIC II ROCKS IN THE WATER. SUDDENLY A 100FT JACK DRESSED AS THE GOD POSEIDON EMERGES FROM THE WATER CARRYING THE TITANIC ON HIS SHOULDER.

                Rose 
             No Jack, No!

JACK THROWS THE TITANIC INTO THE DISTANCE AND IS ABOUT TO SCOOP UP THE TITANIC 2.

                Rose 
   Sorry Jack, but you leave me no choice!
   
ROSE DELVES INTO A BAG AND BRANDISHES THE HEAD OF MEDUSA. JACK SCREAMS IN AGONY AS HE IS TURNED TO STONE AND THEN CRUMBLES INTO THE SEA.