CAMERON ANNOUNCES TITANIC 2, 3, 4 & 5

HOLLYWOOD – Avatar and Terminator director, James Cameron announces Titanic 2, 3, 4 & 5 will all go into production shortly. The news that James Cameron announces Titanic 2, 3, 4 & 5 means that he will be shooting movies for fifteen years. The Studio Exec caught up with the director on the set of his latest film, Avatar 4: Ably Obtaining The Unobtainable Unobtanium.

Where Did You Get The Idea For Titanic 2, 3, 4 & 5?

As you know, I’m not one for chasing money. Usually I abhor such lavish productions. But I was floating in my gigantic flooded underwater sound studio one day and Boom! I had a little idea. People pay a lot of money to watch any old shit. So I put 2 and 2 billion together and came up with an idea for a Titanic sequel. Actually, a whole fucking series of them.

Can You Tell Us Anything About The Plot?

Of course I can. I’m KING OF THE WORLD! We join marine biologist, Sarah Connor as she travels to the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. There she boards a submarine and joins an underwater oil drilling crew. Together, they will stumble across something that will shock everyone.

It’s Aliens, Isn’t It?

Yeah, but not nice watery ones. These ones come in big slimy eggs. Guess what happens then? Go on, guess. You’ll never get it.

If You Say Chestburster, James Cameron, So Help Me I’m Leaving.

No, I wasn’t going to say that at all. I don’t know what you’re talking about.

Don’t Lie To The Exec, James. You’re Full Of Shit.

Honest! I wasn’t going to say that.

Ok Then. My Apologies. Please Continue.

These killer robots are sent back in time to kill Leonardo DiCaprio, Kate Winslet and Sarah Connor. And then-

 

This Interview Is Over.

Avatar: The Way Of Water Is Released This Coming December.

JESUS CHRIST RUMOURED FOR GAME OF THRONES

HOLLYWOOD – Jesus Christ’s rumoured cameo in Game of Thrones season six has been the talk of social media but is there any weight to this speculation?

The Studio Exec managed to grab a coffee with the Messiah to chat about the hot gossip:

 

A pleasure to meet you, Jesus. How are you?

I’m great. Keeping busy. We’ve met before, though.

 

Have we?

At the Vogue party in 2003. You remember. Cate Blanchett drank too much Prosecco and vomited over Winona Ryder.

 

Ah yes. We did karaoke together. I’ll have to be honest, I thought you was Jared Leto.

That’s cool. I get that a lot.

 

So Game of Thrones season six. True or not true?

Well, they asked me and I was open to it but unfortunately, I couldn’t fit it into my schedule.

 

I see. So you’re currently working on another project?

Mmm. It’s complicated. You see I’m kind of under contract and it’s impossible to get out of.

 

How come?

It’s a really old contract, like, two thousand years old. Basically I’ve got to be ready for the Second Coming so if judgement day happens, I have to drop everything and save the world. So say I was in the middle of shooting a scene and suddenly…Bang!..it’s the apocalypse, they’d have to replace me. It happened once before. I’d been cast as Goose in Top Gun but then I had to make an appearance on a piece of toast in Brazil. The studio sued me and since then, It’s been hard to get steady work.

 

Wow. You must have missed out on a lot of roles.

Tell me about it. I was the Wachowski’s number one pick for the role of Neo in the Matrix but that fell through when they heard about my contract. So many missed opportunities. The one that still grates is The Passion of Christ. I gave a great audition, went the full method but the lawyers stepped in at the last minute and said no.

 

Lordy. What did you think of The Passion of Christ?

It had its moments. To be honest when I read the original script it was more of a comedy but they made some changes and went in another direction that I didn’t care for.

 

What is your favourite depiction of you on screen?

Oh, Life of Brian. Without a doubt. It’s practically a documentary.

 

Fascinating. So what next?

I’ve written a screenplay called Titanic II: Revenge of the Iceberg. I wrote it as a bit of a joke but I sold it to Michael Bay last month for $6,000,000.

 

Do you have any actors in mind?

A few. I had dinner with Daniel Day-Lewis last night and we chatted about the script. He said he was definitely interested in the main role but he’d need a year or so to prepare. We did want to start shooting in a few months but I respect Daniel’s process. After all, if you’re going to play an iceberg, you have to do it right.

 

Titanic II: Revenge of the Iceberg is due in 2018

JAMES CAMERON PREPS TITANICS

HOLLYWOOD – During an AMA on Reddit James Cameron, genius submarine driver, revealed that he is working on a spin off from his Oscar busting commercial success Titanic.

The Abyss director and ‘King of the World’ (TM James Cameron)  declared:

The new film will be a prequel – naturally – and will be based entirely on Billy Zane’s character. I don’t think a day has gone by without someone saying to me: ‘but what about Caledon ‘Cal’ Hockley? What was his life like following the Titanic disaster and maybe even before?’ So we decided to answer those questions.

The Terminator 2: Day of Judgement brain face continued:

 My idea was very simple. What if Cal was struck by huge remorse at having betrayed his notion of honor and escaped the sinking ship. He’s made a vast fortune and although we might have given away something in the script about him killing himself, he actually fakes his death so he can use the money he’s squirreled away to build two brand new Titanics. That’s the title by the way. I always come up with the title first and then try to fit the story into the title and that’s often a challenge. Anyhow unbeknownst to Cal, on the maiden voyages of the Titanics, the Atlantic Ocean has something in store for them – two icebergs – which the arrogant captains are rushing towards believing (mistakenly) that their ships are unsinkables.

Internet speculation has been explosive as to whether Cameron is serious or whether he is telling True Lies.

Titanics will be released in 2031.