BREAKING NEWS – With news that the final hold-out actor, Will Poulter has joined Guardians Of The Galaxy Vol.3, The Screen Actor’s Guild (SAG) have declared an MCU appearance is mandatory for all actors. The Exec spoke with SAGA representative Joleen Knuckles to explain why the MCU appearance is mandatory for all actors.

Joleen, Why Is An MCU Appearance Mandatory For All Actors?

I don’t think ‘mandatory’ is the right word for it. I would say that it’s suggested. It’s just better for everyone, if you catch my drift.

What Do You Mean By That?

Let me put it this way, have you ever tried to put out a fire when your hands have been cut off? No, of course you haven’t. But then again, you aint a fully paid up member of The Screen Actor’s Guild. That fucking punk, Poulter thought he didn’t have to appear in a Marvel film. That is, until Rocko, Stabber and Fucknugget paid him a visit. He saw sense pretty soon after that.

But There Are Lots Of Actors Who Haven’t Appeared In A Marvel Production.

Oh, yeah? Like who? Hang on, wait, let me get my notebook out.

Timothee Chalamet. He Said In A Recent Interview He Wouldn’t Appear In A Super Hero Movie.

Who does that skinny fuckin’ twiglet think he is? Does he know who he’s messing with here? We’re the god-damned SAG. That piece of shit. You wait until I speak to his agent. I’ll have that mofo hanging out of his penthouse balcony by his ankles before he can say ‘Martin Scorsese’. Who else is holding out on us?

I Think You Now Have Every Living Actor Signed Up.

We aint stopping there. We can deep-fake the dead ones. That’s basically what we do with Chris Pratt anyway. We’ll start with Yul Bryner as Professor Charles Xavier in an X-Men reboot. Because they haven’t done that franchise for a couple of years.

Guardians Of The Galaxy Vol.3 Enters Production Shortly


HOLLYWOOD – The Wolverine will return with Hugh Jackman taking up the adamantine claws once more in Young Logan.

Following Logan word had it that Hugh Jackman was done with the famous X-Man. But apparently not. Speaking EXCLUSIVELY with the Studio Exec, Jackman revealed that the new film would take a completely different direction:

Yes. When we were doing a lot of press I admit I was tired. Wolverine took up a significant part of my acting life and though I’m grateful, I felt that I could escape now. However, when James Foley told me the idea of doing a Young Logan movie, I just had to read the script. What I found was a story we hadn’t done before. This is about James Howlett growing up in Canada. His family background and his tragic first love. It’s actually very moving.

But surely you’re too old to play the role?

Digital de-aging my friend. Ridley Scott put me on to it.

Young Logan will be released in 2018.