KIT HARINGTON SIGNS ON FOR HUMAN SACRIFICE LIVE

HOLLYWOOD – Former Game of Thrones contestant Kit Harington is to star in Human Sacrifice Live to be broadcast during the Summer Solstice on Fox.

Live TV events have been the new discovery with first the Grease Live musical getting critical acclaim and solid ratings and then Tyler Perry’s faith-based extravanganza The Passion saw a huge neon cross tastefully dragged through New Orleans. The latest in the trend is another offer from Fox, which will be broadcast live throughout the Summer Solstice and will involve the first televised Human Sacrifice.

Kit Harington spoke EXCLUSIVELY with the Studio Exec:

I’ve been wanting to do something live for a while, that’s what really drew me to the project. Lars Von Trier is producing it and there will musical numbers as well written by Billy Joel.

Of We Didn’t Start the Fire fame?

You nailed it.

What will the event consist of?

First I will be prepared, bathed in oils and ritually clensed. Then we’ll have a moment where I say Goodybe to my loved ones and friends. This is going to be very moving and they’ll give little interviews as well so the audience can get involved and give them advice and consolation. Then the Wicker Man will be built. It’s going to be huge, but I’m happy to say we’re only going to use wood from sustainable sources. This is going to be the first environmentally friendly human sacrifice in the history of humanity!

And then they immolate you?

No, first I have to sing my solo number ‘An Innocent Man’ then they burn me alive.

Aren’t you scared?

Well, the chorus is a bit outside of my range but I’ve been doing some vocal training so I think I should be okay.

No I mean of being publicly burnt to death in a huge wicker effigy?

I was in Pompeii. I know everything there is to know about dying in public.

Human Sacrifice with Kit Harington will be broadcast June, 2016.

Image courtesy of @ThePixelFactor.

NICOLAS CAGE FILM KILLS WITHIN 5 YEARS

HOLLYWOOD – The World Health Organisation confirmed today that anyone who has watched the Nicolas Cage film Left Behind will be dead within five years.

Doctor Habbleaver of the Swedish Institute for Movie Death told the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

When Left Behind first appeared on our radar, except for a few esteemed virologists, no one took it seriously. There had been warnings about Nicolas Cage films in the past. The Wicker Man caused over seven thousand deaths and the second Ghost Rider almost double that but as they were mostly in the Third World no one really paid attention. The difference here is the morbidity of the experience.If you watch the trailer, your chances of suffering from a stroke in the next six months goes up by 80 percent. If you watch the whole film, you’ll be dead in five years.

How will you die?

Well, that’s the strange thing. You just disappear and your clothes are all that’s left. In a pile.

F*ck!

Yeah, that’s what we said in Sweden.

People who have seen the Nicolas Cage film are warned to put their affairs in order, quit their jobs and spend their savings. There is absolutely nothing you can do but similarly there is no point crying and gnashing your teeth. I mean, it’s not like you haven’t been warned.

Left Behind is available to buy on DVD, Blu-Ray and on instant streaming, or can be illegally downloaded.