TO THE WONDER: REVIEW

TO THE WONDER: REVIEW – Matt Damon’s dumb ass friend and Iran hostage rescuer goes to France and meets old Bond girl. They monkey about on a train, then go back to America where Olga Kurylenko (for t’is she), plus sprog, can’t stop dancing.

Poor Affleck looks a mite confused because a. she’s hot but b. she won’t stop dancing. Later he looks even more confused because Rachel McAdams turns up and a. she’s hot but b. erm… I don’t know. Confused? Hmmm.
The cries – criticising the emperor’s new clothes – were loud when Tree of Life was released, but I for one, thought it was madcap fun (read that review HERE). Here though it’s not so much that the emperor is naked as we can see his internal organs and it ain’t pretty. Well, that said, it actually is pretty. But the Malick aesthetic has now become industry standard for car and jeans adverts and other than the look, there is very little to hold onto here.  The interminable voice over has now become grating. Sixth form poetry passing for stream of conciousness. Poor Ben looks confused.      Olga dances and doesn’t so much hug trees as suck twigs. Javier Bardem turns up, looking baffled to find himself a priest. He preaches a sermon about love being great, a few more shots of sunsets and cows, and we’re done. The film ultimately overdoses on reverence: – not just for nature, love, God etc. – but for Malick himself who seems in great need of an editor who doesn’t like Terrence Malick films.

BREAKFAST WITH ASSHOLES: 15. SEAN PENN

Eggs (over easy), bacon, ham, pork sausages, ham, coffee, whisky (drunk from broken bottle)

He has long been one of the most intelligent voices in Hollywood. His obvious talent was sometimes hidden in the glare of the publicity afforded him by his hi-profile relationship with a beautiful pop star and his own occasional excesses. As the years have gone by, he has moved into character acting and directing his own films which each give his own idiosyncratic take on the American dream. Unfortunately Ben Affleck couldn’t make it this morning and at a pinch I just happened to run into Sean Penn.

So Sean Gangster Squad? What the fuck?

The idea was interesting. Mickey Cohen and all that period in LA. I really thought it was time as well to make a new version of the gangster genre and I loved Ruben Fleischer’s work on erm… the Jimmy Kimmel show and … er… Oh Zombieland was good. Wasn’t it?

Are you looking on IMDB?

Fuck you! But yes. 

Okay so, The Tree of Life Sean, what the fuck? 

Now listen, Terry Malick is genius and I’d go to the ends of the earth for him. Of course, when I told him that I assumed he’d realize I was talking figuratively. Instead he actually sent me to the Gobi desert to wander around in an Armani suit.

It must have been hell.

Armani’s suits are a bit tight around the crotch but … oh you mean the desert? Yeah. Plus not a fuck did I know about what I was doing in that film. I mean seriously.

And so Sean, This Must Be the Place, what the fuck?

Oh, come on that was good. I had a ball making that and I really respect Paolo [Sorrentino], he’s an artist. You have to understand  I’m a risk taker and sometimes those risks don’t pay off. I’m the guy who is out there on the edge.

So what’s your next project?

I’m doing Prone Gunmen with the guy who made Taken and Danny the Dog

Seriously? What the fuck!

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