Hollywood – Disney today announced they have greenlit a James Gunn Kundun remake.

The Suicide Squad director will helm a remake of the Scorsese tale of the young Dalai Lama. With the James Gunn Kundun remake greenlit, The Guardians director promises it will be an all action CGI spectacular. The Exec sat down to talk remakes and Scorsese with Gunn.


How will your Kundun be different to the Scorsese version?

“What many people don’t know about the early life of the Dalai Lama, he was a hyper-violent vigilante. He would often dress up in a costume, sneak out of the monastery and fight crime.”


Was there much crime to fight in rural Tibet?

“Oh shit, yeah. There were gangs of psychopathic supervillains everywhere. But many of them had superpowers. Luckily, the Dalai Lama can fly with his rocket boots. So, many nights, he would put his Walkman on, listen to Bowie and fly around looking for criminals.”


That sounds a bit like Star Lord from Guardians?

“No. It’s completely and totally different. Honest.”


Who is playing the Dalai Lama?

“Chris Pratt. Because he has the right balance of physicality, spirituality and slapstick comedy chops. Michael Rooker will play the Chinese Government representative who shafts the Lama. But in this version, the Lama doesn’t go into exile. There’s gonna be a huge CGI fight between the two. Because Skyscrapers blowing up everywhere as they fly around in their laser-ships is true cinema.”


What do you think Martin Scorsese will make of this, given his recent comments?

“Marty? He wrote the fucking script! This was the story he originally wanted to tell but couldn’t get the funding. He wanted to film mid-air battles but the technology wasn’t available. People are making a whole thing about what Marty said. But it’s all misdirection, believe me. Taxi Driver would never have ended like that if he’d had a decent budget. Travis Bickle would have become a masked vigilante. Goodfellas would have had a running gun battle like Heat. It’s all bullshit.”


James Gunn’s Kundun Begins Filming Next Month


HOLLYWOOD – Twitter imploded this morning after James Gunn revealed the running time of his final cut of The Suicide Squad is exactly one minute.


After hearing the news, outraged fans began tweeting their outrage. @outraged22 said ‘This is outrageous!’ whilst @alwaysoutraged9 wrote ‘I’ve never been so outraged!’

Karen Shill, editor of the notorious website www.fuellingoutrage.com also commented on the brewing controversy via her Twitter handle @outrageforsale:

‘I knew James Gunn would do this. Some people forgave him for those outrageous tweets about Nazi midgets, or whatever it was, he was forced to delete, but not me. Subscribe to www.fuellingoutrage.com for more of my views on that weasel-faced a-hole.


The Studio Exec sat down for a Zoom call with Mr Gunn to gauge his reaction to the social media frenzy:


James, how come The Suicide Squad is only 60 seconds long?

Well, It’s called The Suicide Squad. They’re professionals. Very efficient professionals.


I see. What did the studio say when you turned in such a short final cut?

I’ll admit they were sceptical at first, but when I reminded them they can charge the same amount for a one minute movie as they could a two hour movie, the mood of the room perked up.


The Suicide Squad had quite a hefty budget, will we see all of those dollars on the screen?

Hell yes. If anything I could have done with a few more million. Do you know how much it costs to make a movie these days? We blew half of the budget on hair dye for Idris Elba.


There has been a strong reaction to the running time on Twitter, care to comment?

All I can say is fans will be pleased when they eventually see it. I don’t like to comment about people posting on Twitter since, you know, the incident. By the way, have you heard that joke about the Nazi midget? So there’s this midget, right. And…


I’ve heard it. Can you tell us anything about the upcoming Guardians of the Galaxy Christmas special.

The only thing I can tell you is the most evil and maniacal figure in the entire Marvel Universe will be returning.



No, Chris Pratt.





HOLLYWOOD – Suicide Squad actor Jared Leto today wore a green coat causing the world to semi-implode.

He’s the new joker, he’s in a disappointing film, but Jared Leto isn’t happy unless he’s wearing a green coat, the Studio Exec revealed today.

The actor told the Studio Exec about his controversial life defining choice:

I saw this coat that I liked. It was green. Firstly I really like the color green and so I bought it. I saw it at a fashion show. Then I said I really like that coat and it turned out it was for sale and I had enough money to buy it. After buying it I decided to wear it.

The Suicide Squad is in cinemas.