5 FACTS YOU NEVER KNEW ABOUT THE BAFTAS

LONDON – The Studio Exec is at the BAFTAs this evening which is kind of like the Oscars if the Oscars said ‘pavement’ and ‘fancy a cup of tea vicar’.

Here are 5 FACTS in an envelope and ‘I wish to thank….’

1. A BAFTA has suffered from inflation in recent years. In the forties a BAFTA was worth three Oscars but now you need seventeen BAFTAs to get an Oscar on the open market.

2. BAFTA stands for British Affable Fellows for Tea Association. It was formed in the 1930s to promote tea etiquette following the 1927 cup and saucer riots of Old London Town, which was actually destroyed in the riots to be rebuilt into the London we know today. BAFTA promoted affable tea drinking until it got bored and turned its attention to the ‘flicks’.

3. Celebrating British film has been difficult because the most of the stuff is ‘frightful tosh featuring spotty oiks in stiff collared shirts’ The New Yorker. However, due to new rules if a film is touched by a British person it immediately becomes a British film, (see Gravity).

4.  Many people are celebrating this year as a vintage one in British cinema with such film as The Selfish Giant, Gravity and Philomena competing this year. Next year will see the release of a film which combines characters from each film as a young child rescues fallen space debris to attract his long lost Irish mother who keeps saying ‘fecking eejit’ in an amusing way.

5. Tom Hiddleston, Mark Strong, Benedict Cumberbatch, Michael Fassbender, Idris Elba and Chiwitel Ejiofor are all actually German except for Fassbender who’s Welsh.  

For more FACTS click HERE.

SOCIAL REALISM CAUSES POVERTY IN BRITAIN

BOLTON – British film directors Ken Loach, Mike Leigh, Shane Meadows, Andrea Arnold and Clio Barnard have been accused of causing poverty on a massive scale in Great Britain.

According to a new study by the University of East Anglia, the poorest members of British society are most troubled not by drug addiction, treatable disease, malnutrition or suicide, but by social realistic cinema. Prof. Cathy Newton explained:

It all began int he 1960s when a young BBC filmmaker called Ken Loach began his career and chose to tell the stories of marginalized poverty stricken members of society. He was soon joined by the likes of Mike Leigh, Shane Meadows et al. What people don’t realise is that Loach and his cronies would often cause the misery he was proposing to ‘document’, and often killed hundreds of poor people to make just one ten minute sequence. And I’m afraid the practice has become more extreme as the years have gone on.

Shane Meadows – the director of This is England – recently told French cultural magazine Chapeau:

If I turn up at a housing estate and everyone is happy, I call my gang of thugs and they come and break the windows, punch the women and spray the place with dog doings, because that is my milieu!

Andrea Arnold’s Fish Tank was a celebrated view of Broken Britain, but the director was accused of dragging poor people behind cars for sixteen miles so that they looked appropriately miserable. ‘They don’t feel it, the way we do,’ commented the director, laughing her head off. Most recently, The Selfish Giant tells the story of two working class boys stealing scrap metal. Clio Barnard the director gleefully admitted to smacking the child actors in the face with a copy of Das Kapital until they were both left utterly unaware that they had actually been educated in Eton.

Ken Loach’s new film Sex and the City 3 will be released in 2016.