Colin Firth is made of wood

Colin Firth just ain’t no good

He likes railways

He wears glasses

Has a thing for bad moustaches

Nicole Kidman plays his lady

She gets sad when he goes crazy

But it’s hard to squeeze tear drops

When you have had so much botox

Her husband was in World World II

And for a change he’s not a Jew

The man was tortured, driven mental

By a wicked oriental.

He must go confront that Jap

So he can be a normal chap

And so he goes to face that guy

Who was in The Last Samurai

The editing is all at sea

There’s not a trace of chemistry

But if it was better directed

Oscars would have been expected

Sure it will pick up aBAFTA

Best screenplay and best screen actor

Because the British are so bias

And Colin went on a diet….