KIT HARINGTON SIGNS ON FOR HUMAN SACRIFICE LIVE

HOLLYWOOD – Former Game of Thrones contestant Kit Harington is to star in Human Sacrifice Live to be broadcast during the Summer Solstice on Fox.

Live TV events have been the new discovery with first the Grease Live musical getting critical acclaim and solid ratings and then Tyler Perry’s faith-based extravanganza The Passion saw a huge neon cross tastefully dragged through New Orleans. The latest in the trend is another offer from Fox, which will be broadcast live throughout the Summer Solstice and will involve the first televised Human Sacrifice.

Kit Harington spoke EXCLUSIVELY with the Studio Exec:

I’ve been wanting to do something live for a while, that’s what really drew me to the project. Lars Von Trier is producing it and there will musical numbers as well written by Billy Joel.

Of We Didn’t Start the Fire fame?

You nailed it.

What will the event consist of?

First I will be prepared, bathed in oils and ritually clensed. Then we’ll have a moment where I say Goodybe to my loved ones and friends. This is going to be very moving and they’ll give little interviews as well so the audience can get involved and give them advice and consolation. Then the Wicker Man will be built. It’s going to be huge, but I’m happy to say we’re only going to use wood from sustainable sources. This is going to be the first environmentally friendly human sacrifice in the history of humanity!

And then they immolate you?

No, first I have to sing my solo number ‘An Innocent Man’ then they burn me alive.

Aren’t you scared?

Well, the chorus is a bit outside of my range but I’ve been doing some vocal training so I think I should be okay.

No I mean of being publicly burnt to death in a huge wicker effigy?

I was in Pompeii. I know everything there is to know about dying in public.

Human Sacrifice with Kit Harington will be broadcast June, 2016.

Image courtesy of @ThePixelFactor.

TYLER PERRY’S THE PASSION PROVES ‘THERE IS NO GOOD GOD’

HOLLYWOOD – Tyler Perry conclusively has proven there is no such thing as a benign omnipotent God via his live television event The Passion.

Critics of religion such as Sam Harris and Richard Dawkins congratulated Tyler Perry for doing away with the notion that there was some kind of all powerful good God. Perry’s Palm Sunday live television broadcast The Passion showed on Fox last night and proved beyond doubt that a good God was at best a chimera, at worst a delusion. The semi-live  musical featured a huge glowing crucifix being carried through the streets of New Orleans on Palm Sunday, to a souped up Karaoke soundtrack sung by half famous people.

Fox’s second live musical event of the year so far, the tale of the last hours of Jesus Christ featured Tyler Perry himself as the narrator in pre-taped segments,  Trisha Yearwood played Mary the Virgin Mother, Seal as Pontius Pilate, Prince Royce as the future St. Peter, Chris Daughtry as Judas, and Telenovela’s Jencarlos Canela as Jesus. Singing covers of such classic Spirituals as Tears for Fears’ Mad World and We Don’t Need Another Hero (Beyond the Thunderdome) from Mad Max 3, the telecast had an immediate and significant effect on the belief in God on audiences throughout the country.

“I’ve always been a God-fearing church goer,” said Conor Wickam (43) from Idaho, “but now there just doesn’t seem to be any point.” These sentiments were echoed as religious groups suddenly decided their time would be better spent writing long introspective novels, or having sex with people they actually wanted to have sex with. Even the Vatican issued a statement.

The Holy Father watched with dismay as Tyler Perry made the existence of a all powerful and beneficent deity seem silly. He’s decided to take a few days of retreat and meditation while he knocks his resume into shape.

Tyler Perry however pointed to the fact that some had their faith strengthened:

I spoke with my good friend Paul Rudd and he said that he felt the show was deep and that he would be practicing his own beliefs with far more fervor than hitherto.

For more on Paul Rudd’s satanism, Click Here.