PATRICK STEWART AND IAN MCKELLEN TO PLAY WALDORF AND STATLER

LONDON – Ian McKellen and Patrick Stewart are to play Waldorf and Statler.

X-Men enemies and men of the theatre Patrick Stewart and Ian McKellen reunite as perhaps the most famous men of the theatre, Statler and Waldorf in a spin-off stand-alone live action Muppet movie called  Waldorf and Statler

Ian McKellen and Patrick Stewart are to play Waldorf and Statler. Following the rejuvenating popularity of The Muppets, studio heads were casting around for ideas to cash in on what has at times been a faltering franchise. The idea to place the balcony docked curmudgeons centre stage was a stroke of inspired accountancy.ian mckellen patrick stewart

Speaking from his London dockside home, Sir Ian said he was delighted.

When Andrea [Arnold] approached me for the part of Waldorf at first I thought this has to be some sort of joke, or better still a dream. Come on pinch me. Is it? Well, no it isn’t. It’s real. And I can say that one of my greatest ambitions has been realised. After this I might well consider retirement, because it will be difficult to top. Then again Peter Jackson is planning another five films with Gandalf.   

Sir Patrick Stewart was no less effusive. 

There comes a time in every actor’s life that he goes through his little check list. Hamlet, done, Vladimir, done, Uncle Vanya, done, Dr. Xavier, done. And now has come the time to take the black marker pen and place a large tick beside Waldorf. 

But you’re playing Statler?

Am I? Oh. Well then, Statler, done. Ha ha.

Fishtank and American Honey director Andrea Arnold is more noted for her social realism, but confessed to looking forward enormously to the project.  

All that social realism stuff’s great for the festivals but 1. it really doesn’t make much coin and 2. All these bloody poor people bore me rigid. I need a bit of Mahna Mahna!

Waldorf  and Statler will be released in December, 2021. 

FOZZIE BEAR: GAY AND PROUD

If show business was a Muppet, Mr Adam Lowes would be elbow deep in it’s rectum. Behold his latest inside scoop.

HOLLYWOOD – The entertainment industry was rocked last week by the sad announcement that Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy had decided to part, but another Muppet has seen this as an opportune moment to make his own declaration to fans around the world.

Affable supporting player and Kermit’s right hand man Fozzie Bear has outed himself and now identifies as a ‘bear’ in a gay cultural parlance. The beloved Muppet who once coined the iconic catchphrase, “Wocka Wocka Wocka!” had this to say:

After Kermit and Piggy’s decision to go public with their news, I felt it was the perfect time for me to let my fans know the truth about my sexual preferences. For too long I’ve had to keep my true lifestyle suppressed, and as anyone in a similar situations will understand, it’s been a tough time.

Thankfully Fozzie states he has received nothing but full support amongst this fellow Muppets (“Kermit is dedicating any future performances of Rainbow Connection to me”) although there are a couple of exceptions:

I think it’s a generational thing, but Statler and Waldorf have made some particularly crude and unwarranted remarks since I informed them of my news. I hope this doesn’t persist as I would hate to see our friendship dissolve, however fraught it’s been throughout the years.

GLAD have enthusiastically welcomed the news and have urged any other Muppets who live a closeted lifestyle to consider revealing their true feelings to the world.

Fozzy will be performing his one man show at G-A-Y in London next week.

AMY ADAMS’ TOP 5 CHEESES

HOLLYWOOD –  Oscar nominated and multi-talented actress, star of The Master, American Hustle and The Muppets, Amy Adams is also the Studio Exec resident Consumer Advice Expert. Today she’s tasting cheeses.

1. Edam – This Dutch cheese – originating from the town of the same name in the Netherlands –  is a mild cheese, with hardly any flavor and no smell. This is the cheese for people who don’t like cheese. Slightly salty and softer than some other mild cheeses such as cheddar. This is a very good entry level cheese, but cheese aficionados will find it somewhat insipid.

2. Brie – This beautiful French cow’s cheese with a soft white rind of mold is delicious eaten with a traditional crunchy baguette, but be warned there are a range of varieties and tastes and quality vary.  

3. Gorgonzola – Blue cheese is one of the things which most disconcerts David O. Russell, the director of The Fighter and American Hustle. But few know that I was actually born in Italy and this delicious Italian cheese is gorgeous with pears, celery or melted on bread or pasta.

4. Cheddar – The original Cheddar comes from a small town in Somerset, England. Christian Bale first brought me some of this cheese. He is a cheese maniac and can get quite angry. Many is the time he has interrupted filming with a strangled cry of ‘Who Touched my CHEESE?’ Perfect for ‘cheese on toast’.

5. Stinking Bishop -A relatively new cheese, first created in 1972, soaked in Perry with a high fat content. But be warned the smell is quite pungent and will put off many, but the taste is delicious. Incidentally, Robert de Niro eats nothing but Stinking Bishop.

For more of Amy Adams’ Top Five advice Click Here.