PETER JACKSON WAKES UP AND REMEMBERS HE’S GOT A TINTIN FILM TO MAKE

WELLINGTON – Peter Jackson – director of King Kong, The Lovely Bones and the entire contents of JRR Tolkien’s head – awoke in a cold sweat with the realization he still has a Tintin movie to make.

Peter Jackson turned to his wife (Fran Walsh or Philippa Boyens I can never remember) and gasped. ‘Shit, I’ve just remembered I promised Steven Spielberg I’d direct the second Tintin film.’

Jackson told reporters:

My wife mumbled something like “Go back to sleep, you can do it in the morning.” To be honest I don’t think she was really awake. But I couldn’t go back to sleep. How was I going to find out what my deadline with Steven was without letting him know that I’d forgotten all about it.

Fortunately, Jackson’s muse and house boy Andy Serkis was awake in the garage. ‘It looked like he was trying to get out off a glass box, which confused me,’ said Jackson. ‘There isn’t a glass box in the garage. And then I realized, it was his physical theater that had created the illusion.’ 

Jackson explained his problem to Serkis and the Gollum star was already half into his motion capture suit.

Serkis said:

I must obey Peter. He has my children.

The two men started to work and by ten o’clock when Jackson’s wife finally emerged from her slumber, they had the first two acts in pre-visualized: ‘Only seven more to go,’ said a clearly relieved Jackson.

Tintin and the Something Something will be out in 2022.

LIMAHL KEEN ON NEVERENDING STORY REMAKE

WELLINGTON – The Peter Jackson remake of The Neverending Story has gained a new fan already in ‘pop singer’ Limahl.

Former singer in 80s group Kajagoogoo, Limahl sang the original theme song to Wolfgang Petersen’s 1984 fantasy film The Neverending Story and is set to return to the new version to be directed by Lord of the Rings director, Peter Jackson.

Dropping by the Studio Exec Hobbit hole, Limahl looks exactly as he did in the mid-eighties when he was at the height of his fame. He spoke EXCLUSIVELY with the Studio Exec about the prospect of revisiting the song that became a worldwide chart-topper.

It’s going to be a hell of a year for me. First we have the announcement that Gary Oldman is going to make a film about the rise and fall of my old band. And now Peter Jackson – the director of Bad Taste and The Lovely Bones – is remaking The Neverending Story. When my agent told me, I said ‘Carol, clear my calendar, cancel everything’ and she did it immediately.

So Peter Jackson called you to do the song? 

Peter Jackson is not going to be that obvious. First we have to do that silly little dance, but of course, I’ll do the song for them. We’ll probably have an argument about the drum and bass back beat they want to put on it but my vocal will still soar above everything.

Will you have a cameo in the film?

It’s my understanding that Andy Serkis is playing pretty much everybody using motion capture, but that might have just been a bad joke on Carol’s part. She does like to tease.

And finally is there any chance that Kajagoogoo will get together?

Well, it’s been no secret that for years I’ve wanted to do something with the guys, but I’ve also been battling with Social Anxiety Disorder.

You mean you’re...

Too shy, hush hush, eye to eye.

The Neverending Story will be 12 films.

 

PETER JACKSON EYES LORD OF THE RINGS SEQUELS

WELLINGTON – Lord of the Rings director, Peter Jackson talked post Hobbit projects this morning with Studio Exec  and his plans look set to excite Middle Earth fanatics everywhere.

‘We have been looking at making stand-alone sequels to each of the films in the original trilogy which would seek to exploit squeeze dry rape  pay homage to the world Tolkien created,’ the Bad Taste director, Peter Jackson said, smiling weakly.

The first films would go into production in 2014 and would be directed by Guillermo Del Toro: ‘We hire him and then we fire him,’ Jackson giggled. ‘It’s fun.’

According to Jackson the script of the first film is already done and the outlines of the other two films are coming into shape. ‘The first film will be The Fellowship of the Ring Rides Again,’ said The Lovely Bones. ‘Followed by The Two Towers Two. Fran wanted this one to be called The Four Towers and so that might change. And rounding off our new trilogy will be The Return of the Return of the King, which we hope will win twenty two Oscars.’

How would Jackson respond to criticism that he was milking Tolkien pretty dry?

I’d probably throw money at them. Ha ha ha. No, I’d pay someone to throw money at them. Ha ha ha. No, but seriously. I could probably throw the money myself. And I have a lot of it, so that would probably do the trick. Bags of coins, or gold bars or something. I could hire a helicopter and drop it on them. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. No, but seriously, what people don’t understand is that Tolkien was an inveterate scribbler. We have shopping lists, letters he wrote, his homework from when he was a kid, graffiti he wrote in Oxford in Elvish. So lots to be going on with. 

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