HOLLYWOOD – Children’s entertainer and cosplay enthusiast Johnny Depp has announced that he will be returning to acting after a ten year hiatus starring in Wally Pfister’s debut feature Transcendence.  

The rapidly ageing star last acted in The Libertine in 2004, when he played poet and pronger, the Earl of Rochester. The subsequent years have been spent ‘messing about and drinking’, he boasted to the Studio Exec in a moment of ill-advised honesty. He continued:

I enjoy dressing up, and the make up and wigs and what not. Everyone seems happy enough, so why put any effort into, you know, nuanced character and subtlety. Robert Downey Jr is my hero in this. He’s been coasting since Chaplin. But after a while, I started to feel empty inside. I felt like a fraud. And so I stopped answering the phone when I saw it was Tim’s number and then when I heard Wally needed someone, I took off the make up and dusted off my acting face.

However, before fans of film acting celebrate too loudly, it is worth remembering that Mr. Depp has promised a return to acting before, only to turn up on set asleep and sleep walk through the entire production: see The Rum Diary and Public Enemies or, better still, don’t.

Transcendence will be released in April 2014.