DAVID LETTERMAN TO RETIRE IN ‘YEARS’

NEW YORK – The world of television was reeling after David Letterman announced that he’d be retiring from CBS in a few years.

President Obama expressed shock and sadness while Jimmy Kimmel wept on his television show, tearing his clothes and screaming ‘Why God? WHY?’

Reports of rioting in downtown New York were confirmed as the news spread via social media sites such as ‘Twitter’ and ‘MySpace’. John Travolta was so shocked he actual pronounced Chiwetel Eijofor’s name correctly when he telephoned him to confirm the news. Seth MacFarlane has announced that an episode of Cosmos will now be devoted to giving a scientific explanation of aging and religious leaders, including Pope Francis was quick to assert that this was not proof of the absence of a benevolent creator, though the Pope admitted it did ‘dent God’s image.’

More on this shocking story as we get it. Please feel free to pour out your grief in the comments box below.