HOLLYWOOD – Film director and comedy clarinet player, Woody Allen has signed up to write a Game of Thrones spin off for Amazon.

The New York based director spoke EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec shortly after penning the deal:

I’m absolutely delighted to have this opportunity. I don’t know if you’ve noticed but cinematically I’ve been treading-water for some time – I mean Midnight in Paris? What a crock! – and I feel I need a real stimulus to get the old juices flowing again.

Great. So what is the show going to be like?

Well, as you know there has been a hell of a lot of great TV about in recent years. And I feel really inspired by what’s out there. Especially by the Scandinavian crime series. I’m talking about the original version of The Killing, Borgen and The Bridge. When I first began thinking seriously about cinema, my main influence was obviously Ingmar Bergman. Well, now I’m going to do TV I want to do something that is dark and traumatic, grief laden, snowy, violent and dark. Did I say dark already?

Yes. But what about the sort of short form comedy that might be more suited to your talents?

Nah. That’s already been done. Look at Louis CK and Larry David. They’ve done more Woody Allen TV than I could ever do. What am I going to do? Walk around New York complaining about the state of my relationships? Girls does that. Why bother going over old ground?

So Scandinavian thrillers it is?

That are dark. And in Swedish. Yeah, but look, I’m not making the mistake I made with Interiors and just make something slavishly similar to my inspiration. No. I want it to be different and I’m a huge fan of Game of Thrones, so I’m going to have some dragons and some full on CGI battles. It’s going to be aces! My idea is this will be what happens beyond the Wall.

That sounds like a mishmash.

Thank you. I’ve mapped out my story. In the small snow bound Wildling township of Bergan north of the Wall, there has been a series of horrible ritual murders. Two cops from the Black Watch are investigating. Peter Dinklage is going to star as the Imp. He’s gone to the black watch after killing his dad. I suppose I should’ve said spoiler or something. Oh, and I’ve got the idea Bill Cosby could play the older cop, but he hasn’t got back to me, so that’s one’s on hold for the time being. Strange Bill’s usually very punctilious about such things.

He might be busy.

Figures. He’s still got it. Oh and there’s going to be a vile matriarch, the leader of the White Walkers called something like Pia Barrow, or Ria Sparrow. Something like that. I haven’t quite thought that one through.

Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Scandinavian Dragon Murders, but Were Too Afraid to Ask will be shown on Amazon sometime in 2016.