BREAKING NEWS – There was a SDCC MCU supervillain surprise at this year’s comic-con when Kevin Feige announced the supervillain for the upcoming Avengers movie, The Kang Dynasty. In a departure from what many expected, Marvel are going with a different Kang. The Exec caught up with Kevin Feige after announcing the SDCC MCU supervillain surprise.

Kevin, That Sure Was A SDCC MCU Supervillain Surprise

I know, right! We thought we could really blow people away with that one. I was sat in a campaign meeting, deciding on where we would take our flagship franchise. We’d been snorting a few lines of Horse when it came to me. KANG!

Were All The Other Disney and Marvel Executives On Board?

Not right away. They got all excited, thinking it was gonna be the Kang The Conqueror story line. I had to calm them all down. So we all smoked some really good Super Skunk and listed to Tom Petty for an hour or so. Then, I laid it on them. We’re doing a Simpsons crossover movie, with Kang and Kodos finally making good on their threat to invade Earth. How awesome would that be?!

Just out Of Curiosity, How Did The Other Board Members React?

Their jaws hit the floor. I don’t think they could believe what they were hearing.

I Can Imagine.

They fucking loved it man. Just like they love every single one of my ideas. Like casting Edward Norton as The Hulk. They all loved that. And then they all loved it when I recast him. And like the time I put that shitty clause in Scarlett Johansson’s contract. They all thought that was great. The board especially loved it when I told them we were making an Eternals movie. Oh my, how they loved that. And they love this. Totally, totally in love with the idea. Totally. Yeah, totally.

Are You Sure This Is In Keeping With The Universe You’ve Spent Years Building?

Look, just shut up and have a line. You’ll come to see things my way. Everyone comes to see things my way, after enough of this shit.

The Marvel Cinematic Universe Will Never End. Ever.


NEW YORK – Actors Edward Norton and Eric Bana have been arrested by the New York Police Department after a nasty incident of Mark Ruffalo bullying, which initial reports suggested the involvement of both name calling and light physical damage.

According to a police source: 

The suspects approached Mr. Ruffalo while he was fixing his bicycle to some park railings near MoMa. They began chanting, ‘You wouldn’t like it when we get angry’ over and over again. And then pushed him around and tore his clothing. 

Mr. Norton was particularly insistent, according to one bystander, that ‘they go dark’, but fortunately a thirteen year old school girl intervened and chased the actors off. The attacks on Mr. Ruffalo began last yearbut have increased in seriousness and frequency. 
‘I used to get phone calls in the middle of the night,’ Mark Ruffalo told us. ‘I could tell it was Bana because he was always trying to do that generic American accent he uses and it’s so unconvincing. But more recently it got serious and they often sneak into my house and put meat derivatives into my vegetarian casserole.’ 

The motives behind the attacks is and remains a mystery.

Mark Ruffalo will be appearing in the Gruffalo in 2015.