WELLINGTON – After the underwhelming response to part one of The Hobbit Trilogy, Peter Jackson has confirmed to the Studio Exec that he is cancelling the remaining two parts with immediate effect.

We caught up with Jackson in his Wellington office to ask why he is abandoning the project.
Mr Jackson. Why have you decided to cease production on The Hobbit?
Oh it’s just so boring. I was about to film another bloody walking through the woods scene when I thought, ‘Sod this for a game of soldiers and I stopped all the cameras and sent everyone home.’
That sounds like a rash move. Surely you are under obligation to show people who saw the first film what happens next?
If they want to know what happens next then they can go down to the library and borrow the book. It’s only short, you could read it on the toilet in one sitting.
So why did you decide to make a trilogy. Why not condense it into one long feature?
That’s what I wanted to do but the studio decided it could triple the box office and after I pissed a load of money up the wall making The Lovely Bones, they had me by the balls.
So what’s changed. Surely you’ve signed a contract to produce three films?

I did and I have no doubt this is going to ruin me me both professionally and financially but if it’s a choice between that and spending another minute looking at Martin Freeman’s hamster face. I’d rather be broke and unemployable.

What about the next installment of the TinTin series. Aren’t you signed on to direct?
I was but the studio fired me. I hear Guy Richie is doing it now. TinTin and the Cockney Slags I believe it’s called.
And what next for you?
I’m going to sell everything I own and remake The Lovely Bones. I want to get it right this time.
Sounds like a bold move. How will it differ from your first attempt.
I’m going back to basics. This time I’m going to do it all on hand held camera with puppets and there will be a graphic 30 minute molestation and murder scene. It’s going to make A Serbian Filmlook like The Little Mermaid.
Exciting stuff. Thanks for the interview.