HATEFUL EIGHT DISQUALIFIED FROM OSCARS

HOLLYWOOD – In a shock move the Quentin Tarantino movie The Hateful Eight has had its Oscar nominations revoked and the film has been disqualified from the Oscars completely.

The Hateful Eight was nominated for Best Supporting Actress Jennifer Jason Leigh, cinematography and score for Ennio Morricone. However, all these nominations have been rescinded. An Academy spokesperson gave the Studio Exec the rationale for this unprecedented move:

We hadn’t seen the full film and when we did we realized that the actor Samuel L. Jackson has quite a prominent role in the film. And well… this is embarrassing, but you see, he’s a little bit black.

A little bit…

Well, actually, he’s very black. And I’m not sure if you’ve noticed but here at the Academy we’ve been trying to make things easier, streamline the whole process and just have people who are white get the awards and stuff.

But Samuel L. Jackson isn’t even nominated.

Yes, but what if Jennifer Jason Leigh invites him along?

But you have a black host.

What?

Chris Rock is black. 

No, he isn’t. I mean I saw him in Madagascar. He’s black and white.

But that was an animated movie. He’s not actually a zebra.

Are you serious?

Oh, come on.

No, wait this will work. We have Chris Rock, who is apparently black, hosting and then everyone else white, that’s great because then no one can accuse us of racism! Problem solved. And no angry Samuel L. Jackson telling us horrid stories about forcing someone’s son to do unspeakables on his unmentionables.

For more Oscar news CLICK HERE.

QUENTIN TARANTINO SUED BY EVERYBODY

HOLLYWOOD – Quentin Tarantino is to be sued by everybody, it emerged today.

Following the release of The Hateful Eight, it was revealed that Quentin Tarantino was to be sued for alleged similarity between a screenplay and Django Unchained. However, this looks to be only the first in what promises to be numerous law suits.

Legal expert and the Studio Exec’s personal lawyer Marty Drang offered his legal opinion:

Frankly no one knew that you could accuse Quentin Tarantino of plagiarism. It’s a little like accusing Beethoven of writing symphonies. But now that the cherry has been picked so to speak, I can forecast that everyone who has ever written a screenplay, directed a film or even made a passing comment about a film will feel empowered to sue the motor-mouth postmodernist until they have him down to his last mix tape.

According to Drang legal cases pending from several million suits are already being prepared:

There’s the Japanese, the Koreans, Jean Luc Godard, the Italians, obscure American TV directors. The list goes on and on. Kung Fu, Spaghetti Westerns, John Carpenter, the estate of Agatha Christie, and Madonna.

The question on everyone’s lips is obviously do these suits have a chance of success and can I sue him too?

I’ve already filed the paperwork.

The Hateful Eight is currently being held in escrow.

5 FACTS YOU NEVER KNEW ABOUT THE HATEFUL EIGHT

HOLLYWOOD – With the release of the new trailer for Quentin Tarantino’s 8th film The Hateful Eight hitting the internet, what do we really know about this so called ‘Western’?

The Studio Exec sent the FACT Squad into the snowy mountains to discover all they could about the new Quentin Tarantino film The Hateful Eight.

1. Although Quentin Tarantino has completed the film, The Hateful Eight will never be seen by anyone. This is because when the script leaked onto the internet, Tarantino promised that he would never make the film and Tarantino is a man of his word. Many wished they’d leaked Deathproof onto the internet instead. After a successful live script read, Tarantino decided he would after all make the film, but no one would ever see it. It is due to be destroyed in December.

2. The Hateful Eight is Quentin Tarantino’s eighth film and it also has eight in the title. There are eight main characters. It was filmed over eight weeks with eight cameras operated by eight camera operators all of whom have only eight fingers and eight toes. There was a tale told of cameramen so motivated to take part in the production they asked Eli Roth to cut off the digits which were surplus to requirement.

3. Kurt Russell’s Mustache is so magnificent that it has not only reversed climate change but is currently defeating ISIS in Syria. There are delegations from the UN pleading with Mr. Russell to keep from shaving.

4. The cast for The Hateful Eight includes many Tarantino regulars, including Tim Roth, Samuel L. Jackson, Bruce Dern, Jennifer Jason Leigh, Michael Madsen and Kurt Russell. According to onset rumors, the entire cast had sex in a massive orgy organized by Tarantino who sat on a tennis umpire’s chair shouting directions through a large cardboard cone.

5. The Hateful Eight is the first Quentin Tarantino movie to feature an original score by the old maestro of Spaghetti western soundtracks, Ennio Morricone. This despite tensions between the two after Quentin asked to do some whistling on the soundtrack. ‘Ennio does all his own whistling,’ Tarantino explained to Comic-Con.

For more FACTS click HERE.

QUENTIN TARANTINO WILL FILM NEXT MOVIE ON A CAMERA WITH A TURNY HANDLE

HOLLYWOOD – Tarantino’s next movie to be filmed using one of those cameras that you have to manually wind the film through the camera with a handle on the side like the olden days.

Quentin Tarantino will do anything to go back to the old school. Film in 70mm, use VHS rather than Netflix and make compilations of his favorite music on a cassette. His anachronistic mania will now include filming his latest film using an old fashioned camera that requires manual winding of the film. The Pulp Fiction and Kill Bill director wheeled his cabriolet into the parkway of the Studio Exec bungalow so as to explain himself further.

I’ve always been a fan of the old classics. The silent movies of Eissenstien, Chaplin, Keaton, D.W. Griffiths and especially F.W. Murnau and so when I started to wonder about my next movie it occurred to me that I wanted to go back and make a film the way those dudes did. I wanted to recreate some of the excitement that must have been right there at the birth of cinema and in order to do tha I needed to physically limit myself to use tyhe equipment they would use as well. That way there’s no special effects except more or less what we can do in camera. I won’t be able to write a lot of my dialogue because … well, otherwise the title cards will last longer than the actual film. It’s a whole series of disciplines that we need to master and rediscover as we make this film.

But is there still an audience for it?

Yes, I’d say so. I was watching a Charlie Chaplin film with some young friends and they all really dug it. The success of The Artist and Hugo as well shows that there is a real hunger for this era.

It sounds fantastic. What will the new movie be about?

It’s going to be my first Science Fiction movie and I’m quite nervous becuase this is a genre I’ve never tried before. Essentially the Inter-Galactic Empire of the Thorgs is threatened by a small band of Freedom Fighters. The Rebels learn that the Thorgs have built a massive all powerful battle station. So large it looks like a small moon.

That sounds familiar.

Yes, I know. The reason is that I’m basing it on Akira Kurosawa’s Hidden Fortress.

Wars in the Stars will be released only at selected Nickelodeons around the country in 1915.

FIRST LOOK AT TARANTINO’S NORTHANGER ABBEY

HOLLYWOOD –  Quentin Tarantino’s 8th film – The Hateful Eight – hasn’t hit theaters yet, but already we have the first look at his ninth project: an adaptation of Jane Austen’s Northanger Abbey, entitled Northanger Motherf*cking Abbey Motherf*cker .

Tarantino had already spoken with the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY about the project (click here for that), but it was only today that he revealed that he was already filming.

I am editing The Hateful Eight at the moment, but it isn’t exactly rocket science. I’ve got eight people in a cabin. So it’s cut to him then to her then back to him. Easy. So during my lunch break I decided we could get started on Northanger Abbey. I have my paperback of the book, annotated heavily in different shades of red crayon. Keira Knightley is on board and so we have been going for it.

The official synopsis reads:

Young Catherine Morland (Keira Knightley) is one of ten children of a clergyman and his wife. An addict of ‘gothic fiction’, she is invited by wealthy neighbors to accompany them on a visit to the spa town of Bath where she meets the Thorpes and Henry a man with whom she will fall in love. However, Henry’s father, General Tilney (Kurt Russell) disapproves and it looks as if no happy marriage can take place. However, when the Sicilian mafia led by Turko Polito (Samuel L. Jackson) kill General Tilney and his entourage over his gambling debts – the famous blood Bath scene for Austen aficionados – Henry and Catherine go on a murder spree around Europe to hunt down and kill the gang that offed General Tilney.

Northanger Motherf*cking Abbey Motherf*cker will be released in 2016. 

Image courtesy of @ThePixelFactor.