THE PHANTOM MENU: THE LIAM NEESON COOKBOOK

The Phantom Menu: The Liam Neeson Cookbook is released today. Written by the Michael Collins star, Liam Neeson, every recipe is connected to a film that the The Big Man has appeared in by a dubious pun.

The Studio Exec met Mr Neeson in his Hollywood kitchen where -surrounded by a film crew – he walked us through the dishes included in the book. ‘I’ve always liked food,’ Neeson said. ‘I like cooking it, I like preparing it and I like eating it. What’s wrong with that?’
Nothing.

Good. Because I travel with work there are a lot of different nationalities. For instance, we have here the Bavarian themed Schnitzel’s List, a lightly bread crumbed chicken breast fried it butter and rosemary. What do you think? 

Neeson offered me a forkful and I tasted it. ‘Delicious!’
Each plate was arranged like a work of art.

And here we have the traditional English Steak and Kinsey Pie with Battle Chips. For the fish lover, I have The A Bream and Cod Roy and for the daring The Grey.

Steak and Kinsey Pie

The slab of thick meat quivers under a drizzle of olive oil. That wouldn’t be..?

It’s wolf.

Right.

Taste it.

I’m not sure…

Taste it.

Delicious.

Dark Ham, Hash of the Titans and Lamb.

Lamb? What’s the pun? I mean it’s… lamb.

I was in a film called LambBut you know I don’t just like eating in, sometimes I get tired of cooking. And do you know what I say?

Let’s get a Taken Away?

That was my fucking joke.

Oh sorry.
Neeson hangs his head and looks desperately unhappy. Then he walks out of the room. He doesn’t come back and after forty minutes I decide it would be better if I left. 

The Phantom Menu: The Liam Neeson Cook Book is available from all good book shops and the proceeds will be added to those of the A Team, Taken and Taken 2, all of which sit in Liam Neeson’s bank accounts.

BREAKFAST WITH ASSHOLES: 3. LIAM NEESON

 

DUBLIN – Liam Neeson sits across from me staring. I shift position nervously but he looks like he is measuring me up, trying to decide on the best way to kill me, whether to break my neck, or throttle me, or drive my nose bone deep into my pulpy brain flesh. He’s been sitting here in silence for twenty minutes.

When I first sat down, I sensed something was wrong. ‘You can’t sit there,’ Neeson growled in his famous Irish burr. ‘It’s Taken.’
I sat in the other chair. 
‘You can’t sit there either,’ he said.
‘What?’
‘That’s Taken 2,’ he roared with laughter.
In order to join in with the mood, I said, ‘Are you Taken the piss?’
At which point he stopped suddenly and stared at me. And that’s where we came in. Him staring at me for twenty minutes. 
Finally he sighs and begins to devour his food with something like savage grace. 
‘So,’ I say. ‘When George Lucas first approached you for the role of Qui Gong did you…’
‘Money,’ Neeson growls.
‘Okay,’ I say. ‘Were you a big fan of the TV show The A Team?’
‘Money,’ says Neeson.
Battleship?’
‘Money.’
The Grey?’
Neeson smiles. ‘That was the catering.’
‘I…’
‘I don’t know who you are’ Neeson says.
‘I’m Chad…’
‘I don’t know what you want. If you are looking for quotes, I can tell you now I don’t have them. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let me daughter go…’
‘What?’
‘That’ll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you, but if you don’t… stop crying Chad, if you don’t, I will look for you, I will find you and I will kill you.’
At which point I ran for it.

For more Breakfasts CLICK HERE.