SAN FRANCISCO – Wine connoisseur and occasional director Francis Ford Coppola, has sensationally revealed he has finished remastering The Godfathertrilogy and 3D versions of his epic saga will be released back to back in summer 2013.

We caught up with Francis in his vineyard to chat about his return to the House of Corleone.

Mr Coppola. How long have you been working on the project?

That’s an interesting question. About 15 minutes.

15 minutes ?

Yes about that. I was amazed actually I heard James Cameron worked on Avatar for 10 years so I was prepared for a long haul but it was a remarkably easy process.

But the trilogy is around nine hours long. Surely the conversion process takes months, if not years to complete?

What do you mean by conversion?

I mean the rendering, the rotoscoping, the CGI etc.

Sorry I don’t know what any of those things are. Technology has advanced since I was in my heyday and though I respect film makers who utilise the modern gadgets. I prefer to use traditional methods.

Such as?

I just ordered a shipment of 3D glasses on the Internet. The producer of Wrath of the Titans was selling them on E-bay and I got a really good deal.

That’s great, but what have you done to the film itself to convert it from 2D to 3D?

What the hell are you talking about man? I’ve not touched the original films; they’re perfect the way they are. Why would you need to do that anyway when all you have to do is put on a pair of glasses and hey presto, instant 3D?!

Well I’m sorry Mr Coppola but simply watching the film through a pair of 3D glasses will distort the image and make the picture unwatchable. You have to convert the film itself!

You’re F*cking kidding me right?

Unfortunately not.

But George Lucas told me all you have to do is buy a load of glasses and the audience ‘imagines’ the movie is in 3D!

I fear Mr Lucas was playing a practical joke on you.

Oh F*ck me. I thought I heard him giggling in the background when I called Spielberg to tell him the release dates. What the f*ck am I going to do now? The studio is expecting the films next summer. They’ve designed a poster and everything!

You could try converting the film.

That would take millions of dollars and years to complete. I don’t have that kind of cash.

It seems like you’re in quite the pickle Mr Coppola. Thanks for the interview and good luck.

Wait!. Do you know anyone who wants to buy 800,000 pairs of 3D glasses?. I’ll knock 10% off!

The Godfather Trilogy 3D will not be released in Summer 2013