AMAZON CONFIRM SESAME STREEP FOR 2019

HOLLYWOOD – Amazon slate Sesame Streep starring the Muppets and Meryl Streep next year.

Meryl Streep has had a long standing relationship with the Muppets, from an appearance with Susan Sarandon on the show to a recurring Muppet called Meryl Sheep. Now she is to star and produce an anthology series called Sesame Streep, produced by Amazon.

We spoke with the Oscar-winning actress about the new project:

I’m really excited. I’ve loved the Muppets ever since I first saw them. I always engaged with them and thought that they were more than simply entertainment for children. There’s a sadness and honesty to their work. A genuine humanity, whether it’s Kermit and Miss Piggy’s doomed relationship or Fozie Bear’s grotesque inability to be funny.

So how will the show be different?

We’re not making a regular Muppets Show here. What we’re doing is recreating each of my movie hits but with myself as the only human performer. The rest of the roles will be played by Muppets.

Oh.

I know.

Does that mean…?

We’ll start with Sophie’s Choice.

I was going to ask if you were going to do that.

Michael Shannon

And then we’ll move on to some lighter work like Doubt, Out of Africa, Cry in the Dark and The Deer Hunter.

Don’t you think that doing these shows will… demean your achievements?

Far from it. I see this as both a tribute and an opportunity to actually correct some of the things that were wrong with my films.

What was wrong with your films?

Look at August Osage County. It was okay. I enjoyed it. But just imagined if we did the same film but instead of Ewan MacGregor and Michael Shannon you had Gonzo and Professor Bunsen Honeydew.

I see your point.

I was in Suffragette recently, which I enjoyed, but who can say that the film would not have been much improved by substituting Carey Mulligan with Miss Piggy.

Sesame Streep will show on Amazon in 2019.

MERYL STREEP IS OVERRATED

HOLLYWOOD – Today it was confirmed that Meryl Streep is overrated.

Oscar winning actress Meryl Streep is overrated, it has been found. The Sophie’s Choice, Silkwood and Kramer vs Kramer star is now being pressured to hand back her Oscar and apologize to everyone for liking her. Ben Affleck told Jimmy Kimmel last night about his own disappointment:

I always rated Meryl Streep very highly but now I feel like a fool. It’s almost as if she was just acting like a good actress.

Top film critic Leonard Shrub said:

This is another case of populism trumping elite people who think they’re better because they know stuff. I mean, come on, she was terrible in The Deer Hunter and The French Lieutenant’s Woman. I mean, I thought she was good, but then again I thought Donald Trump would never win the election so what do I know.

Mama Mia is still awful though.

HIDDEN GEMS: 18. BAMBI

Hidden Gems brings to light little known film gems which have somehow slipped through the collective cinematic consciousness. This week Bambi. You’re welcome.

Of course we all know that cartoons can’t be films. Not really. Those assholes at Pixar have tried to convince us otherwise. But we all know. That thing with Tom Hanks’ voice isn’t really. Ity’s just a picture. And so it goes. Before Pixar there was a studio called Disney started by Walt Disney, a guy famous for being not too keen on the Jews. But when he wasn’t not liking the Jews he was also busy drawing pictures of shit. One day he’d been trying to draw a mouse but kept fucking up the hand, not getting the right number of fingers. He knocked the whole pile off the desk and as they fell to the floor he noticed that the different pictures fluttering in sequence looked like motion. ‘Money!’ he shouted.

Bambi was one of his first movies and nobody has ever seen, but it is really worth hunting down. Oh, shit that’s actually not appropriate given…

So, Bambi tells the story of a deer, like the animal, growing up in the forest. His friendships with the other animals, evading the dangers of fire and hunters, dealing with parental death and it’s for kids. I know a cartoon about animals. No wonder it flopped. The film is beautiful to look at and really moving. Years later Michael Cimino was to remake it but from the perspective of the hunters. His film was a disaster because he tacked on a load of stuff about the Vietnam War. Disney disowned it in the end.

So Bambi. Give it a chance. Not bad.

For more Hidden Gems CLICK HERE.

5 FACTS YOU NEVER KNEW ABOUT CHRISTOPHER WALKEN

HOLLYWOOD – Everyone knows Christopher Walken, right? Wrong.

Gasp as Studio Exec rips apart the detritus of dumb that surrounds this once fine actor with the hooks and pulleys of factual truth.

1. Christopher Walken did NOT kill Natalie Wood.

2. If Christopher Walken can’t make it to a wedding or someone’s birthday he sends Alan Arkin and usually no one notices.   

3. There was a time before 1987, that Christopher Walken played ‘characters’.

4. Christopher Walken’s ring tone is ‘It’s Raining Men’ by the Weather Girls.

5. The original script of The Deer Hunter had the main characters forced to play Twister but Walken suggested it would be more dramatic if they had to play Russian Roulette. Robert De Niro was against the idea as he had been playing Twister for months in preparation for the role, but he later credited Walken with having saved the movie.  

For more FACTS on everything from this to that click HERE! 

DIRTY GRANDPA NOT AS GOOD AS RAGING BULL

HOLLYWOOD – The internet was shocked today to learn that Robert de Niro’s new film Dirty Grandpa is ‘not as good as Raging Bull.’

Film critics have almost unanimously asserted that the comedy starring Robert de Niro and Zac Efron – Dirty Grandpa – is not as good as Raging Bull.

Xavier Poulis of the World Film Critics Association was not alone in expressing his disappointment.

It’s really galling. Every time we go to a new Robert de Niro film we think this time it’s going to be great. This one is going to be the one that really knocks it out of the park, but it’s not even nearly as good as Raging Bull. It’s almost as if it’s terrible. I don’t know how this has happened.

Variety, The Hollywood Reporter, Deadline, The New Yorker, The New York Times, The LA Times, Slash Film and the UK Guardian all took the unprecedented step of issuing a joint statement.

Robert de Niro’s film Dirty Grandpa is not as good as Raging Bull, this much is clear. But what the public should know before they go and see this picture, is that it is not as good as The Deer Hunter either, nor The Godfather Part 2, nor Once Upon a Time in America, nor The King of Comedy, nor Goodfellas, nor Casino. It isn’t even as good as Cape Fear, We’re No Angels and Midnight Run. It’s not as good as Angel Heart or A Bronx Tale. So by all means go and see it, but don’t expect to see anything like what Mr. De Niro has provided in the past. Except perhaps Meet the Parents, Meet the Fockers etc.

Strangely, DirtyGrandpa has been hailed in France as Robert De Niro’s best film ever because of ‘post-modernism’.

Bad Grandpa is out now.

CHRISTOPHER WALKEN OVERDOSES ON IRONY

CHICAGO – Veteran and award winning actor Christopher Walken was rushed to hospital early this morning, having taken a suspected overdose of a deadly cocktail of irony and self-parody.”

He’s been doing SNL sketches for years,” said pal, Jon Voight, “But they have this Funny or Die stuff, ‘Cooking with Christopher Walken’, and that stuff is fucking lethal.”
Family members knew that he had been working with the Muppets, but thought that it was for back pain and were not overly concerned. In the past, Christopher Walken has also appeared in a Todd Soldenz movie.

“Now,” said Robert De Niro, “we can see that for what it really was, a cry for help.”

Having accrued a body of cult films like Dogs of War and The King of New York, and some all-out classics like The Funeral and The Deer Hunter, Christopher Walken has more recently been taking the piss.

Alan Arkin is expected to be playing all his roles until Walken is well enough to return to serious acting.

Jersey Boys will be released in 2014.