OPRAH WINFREY JOINS ARE YOU BEING SERVED?

HOLLYWOOD – Oprah Winfrey to star in Are You Being Served?

Actress, chat show host and producer, Oprah Winfrey joins Tommy Lee Jones and Michael Shannon in the upcoming cinematic remake of popular British sitcom Are You Being Served?

The news came after speculation that Meryl Streep and Julia Roberts had both been vying for the role of Mrs Slocombe only to be beaten at the last minute by the Queen of Daytime TV. Mrs Slocombe – and her notorious pussy (rumors have it that Andy Serkis has tried out for the role) – will join the retail team at the famous Grace Brothers department store. The Butler actress said:

I don’t do many acting roles because I have so many other commitments so I choose them with real care. But when Tommy came along with the script I knew from page one that I was on board. What people don’t know is Tommy is a really funny guy with a great sense of humor. Once he ran over his gardener’s foot with his car, and I swear to God we couldn’t stop laughing. We were still laughing when the ambulance turned up!

Are You Being Served? is due out in 2022.

For more news on the production CLICK HERE.

5 FACTS WE LEARNED FROM ROGUE ONE TRAILER

HOLLYWOOD – The new trailer for Star Wars: Rogue One has hit the internets and we have learned five FACTS and five FACTS alone.

Many Bothans died so that they could bring you these FACTS:

1. Aggravated assault is a crime a long time ago in a galaxy far far away.

2. Ben Mendelsohn is playing Ian McEwan in the X-Men movies. Felicity Jones is playing Katniss Ever-rebel. Forest Whitaker is playing Grumpy Grump-Face.

3. The Butler from the White House is a really pessimistic soldier. ‘What will you do when they catch you? What will you do when they break you?’ Jesus Christ! Nice pep talk Bird. How about don’t get caught? How about: kick some ass out there? Do some aggravated assault!?

4. Even though this is a prequel, the word prequel has become so toxic in the Star Wars marketing universe that it has been replaced by the much more exciting word ‘story’.

5.  There is another Death Star! Okay, I know it’s a prequel… sorry, a story, a story. I mean a story. But I do hope this is the last time we see the Death Star or the Star Killer or whatever else. I mean they surely won’t make another one will they? The insurance premiums alone…!

For more FACTS click HERE.

AN APOLOGY TO SPIKE LEE

NEW YORK – Today Studio Exec caused egregious offence and possibly super Red Hook Horror to the film maker, hat model, and visionary Spike Lee (For that Story See Here), by writing a story about how he had criticised Lee Daniels’ Lee Daniels’ The Butler (FOR THAT STORY READ HERE) and we are so sorry.

Pretty much none of it was true. Though the way Spike Lee went at us … but none of it was true.

We wish… no wait, I … me, the Studio Exec wholeheartedly wish to say sorry. 
And in no way do I want this to be jokey and ironic and stupid. 
This is serious. 
I upset the man who made Do the Right Thing, so I want to do the right thing. 
I disturbed the man who made She’s Gotta Have It and Malcolm X, and I don’t want to wait until The 25th Hour before I… oh wait did you see what I did there? 
Anyway…
In my defence Spike did make Inside Man and Miracle at St. Anna, and even as he complained about having words put in his mouth, the Italian partisans slandered in that… no wait, that’s not the point. What I discovered today was the man who made Bamboozled has not as broad a sense of humour as I had anticipated, so I’m sorry and I swear to God I will never take his name in vain again. The most original film maker working in America today. 

His remake of Old Boy is released in November, 2013.    

SPIKE LEE ATTACKS LEE DANIELS’ THE BUTLER

HOLLYWOOD – Today, Spike Lee launched a scathing attack on Oprah Winfrey and Lee Daniels for their new film, Lee Daniels’ The Butler, which stars Forest Whitaker as a butler who works for a succession of eight Presidents, living through the turbulence of the Vietnam war and the Civil Rights movement.

The Malcolm X director fumed: “He just picks stuff up.”

Speaking EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec, Lee yelled:

Lee Daniels’ The Butler kisses butt when it should kick butt. Forest Whitaker just stands around doing stuff for a bunch of white folk in the White House. There are no alien invasions, no asteroids hurtling towards the Earth and no terrorists kidnapping the President, who should be Morgan Freeman by the way. You can be sure as shit if Whitaker was Steven Seagal or Bruce Willis he’d spend more time kicking ass and less time picking stuff up, or just standing there.  

Equally outraged was black activist Carrie Fisher, who wrote in her blog Something Fishery:

Lee Daniels’ The Butler‘s bullshit. We see the White House and we’re waiting. Whitaker turns up to do an ordinary job, a servant’s job basically, but we think he’s probably ex-Special Forces. It’s tense. We wait. One president, nothing, then two presidents. What the fuck? Three presidents, four? In the end there are eight Goddam presidents and not one time does the White House get infiltrated by terrorists. Not once. Or blown up by an asteroid. It’s bullshit.   

Harvey Weinstein, whose Weinstein Company produced the film, issued the following statement: 

We were expecting a lot more from Lee Daniels’ The Butler. Frankly we were misled. Once Lee Daniels said that Lee Daniels’ The Butler was set in the White House there were three ways it could go: asteroid, terrorists, or the President’s dog. I’m sad to say that Lee Daniel’s The Butler falls down on all three counts. We shall be seeking legal compensation. 

Lee Daniels’ The Butler 2: With Terrorists will be released in 2015.