HOLLYWOOD – Following her recent fall at the Brits, the Studio Exec FACT Squad was given the mission to find out more about this woman called Madonna.

This is what we discovered:

1. Born in Bay City, Michigan in 1958, Madonna Louise Ciccone started her singing career in The Breakfast Club, a band in which she played guitar and drums as well as singing. Her career really took off with Holiday, Borderline and Like a Virgin in the mid-eighties. At this stage of her career Madonna had not fallen over at the Brits.

2. Once her career in the music business was established, the ambitious young singer started to look abroad, fancying herself as an actress. She appeared in a series of moderately successful films with the odd flop. In Shanghai Surprise she starred alongside her troubled husband Sean Penn. Although there were incidents of domestic abuse, up to this point Madonna has still failed to fall over at the Brits.

3. The True Blue period of her career began with the release of the album True Blue in 1986. Dedicated to her then husband Penn, the marriage was to break down in 1990, with divorce proceedings being filed, citing irreconcilable differences. Despite her personal difficulties her career was soaring and her tours were breaking attendance records everywhere. And yet her ability to not fall over in a humiliating way at an unimportant British awards events was beginning to cause concern, even among hard core Madonna-ers as her fans prefer to be called.

4. Now came perhaps the most controversial part of her career, her role as Breathless Mahoney in the Warren Beatty movie Dick Tracy. Everyone agreed it was kind of rubbish, but fortunately she managed to rescue her reputation with the wonderful Justify My Love, a song which pushed boundaries of taste and explicitness. Already a gay icon, this seemed to be a role she embraced using images of same sex kissing in the video and promoting AIDs charities. She appeared in Evita, married and more importantly divorced Guy Ritchie, wrote children’s books, flirted with archaic Jewish spiritualism, directed two movies and continued to reinvent herself in such a way as to keep her music before the public eye, an inspiration to all. Many now believed that falling down the stairs was beyond her and that her career would basically be viewed as a failure.

5. Finally, on the 25th of February, 2015, Madonna Louise Ciccone finally achieved the apex of her career and fell down the stairs. The hilarity that ensued ranks alongside the lynch mob mentality that goes after John Travolta as proof that we are an ungrateful, unforgiving fickle bunch of animals who wish only to tear into whoever is perceived as lagging regardless of their past achievements.

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