BARON HARKONNEN WITHDRAWS SUPPORT FROM DONALD TRUMP

WASHINGTON – Baron Harkonnen today has become the latest member of the GOP to withdraw his support from the party’s presidential candidate Donald Trump.

The news follows a number of high profile desertions, including House Speaker, Paul Ryan. However, Harkonnen’s switch will be particularly painful as he is in fact a relative of the Reality star turned candidate. In a statement issued from Giedi Prime, the Baron told the Studio Exec his reasons:

I feel that Donald Trump has brought disrepute to the Republican Party and to the Harkonnens. We are a long line of sexual deviants and predators and his mealy mouthed apologizing is a disgrace. I myself bathe in the blood of adolescents every morning and you don’t hear me giving any explanations to anybody. I shall be voting for Larry Vaughn on the ticket and I hope Donald will step aside and allow this true Republican to take his place.

There has been no comment from the Trump camp.

DONALD TRUMP’S REAL NAME REVEALED TO BE HARKONNEN

NEW YORK  – In a real twist to the race for president, it has been revealed that New York business tycoon and Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump’s real name is actually Cletus Harkonnen.

The story was first broken by blogger Max Oxworth (click HERE for that story) who noted certain similarities between Trump and the Harkonnen family, but what was initially read as slightly nerdy satire has now been confirmed as FACT by the Studio Exec. Speaking to a close associate of the Trump family the anonymous source stated:

The fact is that Donald Trump’s family like everyone else except the remnants of the First Nations, comes from immigrant stock. Sometime in the early twentieth century a branch of House Harkonnen came to America from their home planet of Giedi Prime. They had substantial resources and from there was born the property portfoloio which would lie at the heart of the Trump fortune. Some dabbling in Spice as a commodity led to some bad losses and it was around this time that Junty Harkonnen (Donald Trump’s father) changed the family name to Trump, even though his son had already been born and named as Cletus Harkonnen.

Donald Trump’s older brother Glossu ‘The Beast’ Rabban refused the family name change however and is currently at large in Los Angeles having broken out of a federal prison where he was being held in perpetuity for various heinous crimes.

It is however still unclear how much, if at all, these revelations will hurt the Trump campaign. Political analyst Xavier Poulis commented today in French Cultural magazine Chapeau:

A large number of angry white men see the Harkonnen legacy of unbridled power, disturbing skin disease and sadistic violence not as negative points but as genuine reasons to vote Trump. How far Trump’s policy will be influenced by his family’s influence is yet to be seen, but it should be noted that all of Trump’s employees and campaign staff have been fitted with heart plugs.

For more on Donald Trump CLICK HERE.

 

THE BEAST RABBAN APPREHENDED

HOLLYWOOD – The Beast Rabban has been taken into custody following a nationwide manhunt that lasted for almost five months.

As reported in January in the Studio Exec (Click Here to read), Glossu ‘The Beast’ Rabban escaped from the Pelican Bay Maximum Security Correctional Facility in California where he has been serving a life sentence for murder, war crimes and ‘interfering with the flow of the Spice’. An alert was issued and rumor had it that the Beast had left the country possibly to settle in Arrakis or Canada. However, it seems that the Beast had not traveled quite so far and was arrested yesterday afternoon in Hodad’s diner at Ocean Beach in San Diego, where he was completing a world record meal of consuming thirty hamburgers in one sitting.

A spokesperson for the San Diego police department told the Studio Exec:

We got the call that there was an individual fitting the Beat’s description in popular eating place Hodad’s. The man looked exactly as he did in the photographs we had issued. It is baffling that he made absolutely no attempt to disguise or change his appearance. Apparently he had been wandering around the state sampling the food and yet we had no sightings of him or reports until this one came in. It appears that people were simply too intimidated by him to risk calling the police.

Although the police feared a fire fight, the Beast decided to return to his cell peacefully, though he will now be facing further criminal proceedings for his escape. Close friend and musician Sting said that he was saddened to hear that the Beast was once more incarcerated. Speaking to us earlier today, Sting said:

Everyone sees the Beast Rabban as this terrible fiend who murders for pleasure and has the amazing ability of dismembering people with his bare hands, but in reality Glossu is a lovely and sensitive human being. Yes, he drinks a juice made from crushed rodents and yes, he does kill and maim many, many people, but can a man who states that his favorite song is An Englishman in New York be all bad? I put it to you he simply cannot.

The Beast Rabban will be out sometime in 2035.