ACCOUNTANTS SLAM THE ACCOUNTANT

HOLLYWOOD – The Association for Chartered Accountants today slammed Ben Affleck’s new film The Accountant.

Ben Affleck is back with his autistic hitman accountant thriller The Accountant. But real life accountants are not happy. Dennis Rossman of the AACAA told the Studio Exec that Affleck film was totally unrealistic:

It represents our category of employee so poorly as to constitute something like libel. The numbers are okay and the Asperger’s is something that is also fairly rife in our profession, but the murdering that Affleck’s character does is… well, it’s way too low.

Too low?

Oh yeah. What’s the body count? I’d say it’s probably no more than ten definite kills. Maybe thirteen tops. Most accountants I know kill that many people on a Monday. And of course, Monday is a workday so that way the weapons you use can be written off as a deductible.

So you’re fine with that?

Totally. I hated the bit where he wrote on the windows though. That was just A Beautiful mind rip off.

The Accountant is currently in theaters.

WRITING MATHEMATICS ON GLASS ‘SIGN OF GENIUS’

HOLLYWOOD – It has been found that writing equations on glass surfaces, such as windows, is a legitimate sign of genius.

The revelations came in the wake of the new Ben Affleck film The Accountant in which Bruce Wayne plays an autistic hitman. To relax he writes equations on glass, following in a long line of geniuses such as Will Hunting, Lex Luthor from The Social Network and John Nash who was played by Maximus Decimus Meridius in A Beautiful Mind. Scientist and genius Dr. Patrick Stewart said:

Yes, writing equations is clever – we all know that- but what separates the boffins from the Bozos is the ability to write on glass. First doing it without making that annoying squeaky noise and then not going half of it on your shirt sleeve.

Oxford University where Maths is currently headquartered declined to respond to requests for an interview.