HOLLYWOOD – If you like your lead actors non-descript, not too good looking and with more than a slight hint of vanilla about them, they’re your guys. Having built their whole careers around being able to stare at tennis balls on the ends of sticks, they’ve somehow made it to the top. That’s right, it’s a Studio Exec Pratt v Worthington Mediocrity Matchup. We examine which of them is truly the most mediocre movie meh.
Pratt V Worthington Mediocrity Matchup!
Sam’s big breakthrough role came in James Cameron’s Avatar. A film where he had a team of hundreds animating his face for the vast majority of the film. Chris Pratt rose to fame in Parks And Recreation. He played Andy Dwyer, an unintelligent, loveable rogue. He then expanded his range when he played Starlord in The Guardians Of The Galaxy, an unintelligent, loveable rogue… in space. Few could have predicted his turn in Jurassic World, where he played Owen Grady, an unintelligent, loveable rogue… with dinosaurs.
Sam The Franchise Killer
Sam went on to singlehandedly destroy the Terminator franchise as well as the whole 3D film industry as Perseus in the remake of Clash Of The Titans. His stone cold performance resembled a Medusa victim and made Harry Hamlin look like Daniel Day-Lewis.
The Roles That Got Away
Sam famously lost out to Daniel Craig for James Bond. But then again, we don’t know how close he came to being Bond. I sent in my showreel and heard fuck all back from EON Productions. So does that mean I also lost out to Daniel Craig for the role? And who can forget the rumors that Pratt was being touted to play Indiana Jones. Just imagine Indiana Jones and The Ancient Fart Gag, directed by James Gunn.
Mediocrity Matchup: Winners And Losers
The tagline for Alien Vs Predator was ’Whoever Wins, We Lose’. Well, with this mediocrity matchup, this has never been truer.
AVATAR: AD NAUSEUM Will Saturate Your Multiplex This Coming December
HOLLYWOOD – Several weeks ago Michael Mann announced he has co-written and will be publishing the sequel / prequel novel to his 90s smash hit crime thriller, Heat. Today Mann announced that Charlie’s Angels and Terminator: Salvation director, McG is directing Heat 2. With McG directing Heat 2, we caught up with the controversial director to talk about this surprise announcement.
So, McG Directing Heat 2. How Did You Get That Gig?
Honestly, I have no f**king idea. I was settled in directing shitty TV episodes of whatever, which suited me fine. Then from nowhere, Micky Mann calls me and Badda-bing! I got the gig. Go figure?
What Are Your Plans For Casting?
As I’m sure you know, the book follows Val Kilmer’s character Chris after the events from the original. It also tells the stories of Al’s and Bobby’s characters before we met them in Heat. I’m gonna stick with the same actors for continuity. Marty Scorsese perfected the de-ageing techniques in The Irishman, so I’m just gonna piggy-back on what he did. Easy.
Are You Sure About That? Not Everybody Was Convinced.
F**k them! If it’s good enough for Marty, it’s sure as shit good enough for me. I’m also casting Sam Worthington in it. Not sure who he’s gonna play yet. But I just think he’s one of the most compelling performers we have.
What Else Can You Tell Us About The Movie?
Where the first movie fell down was in the lack of action sequences. Yeah, it had a decent gun battle, but where was all the bullet time? Where were all the hunter-killer robots? That’s what the Heat universe needs. Hey, hang on just one goddam minute. That gives me an idea. We can make this not only a Heat sequel and prequel, but also a prequel to Terminator: Salvation. Sam can reprise his role of Robby The Robot, or whatever the f**k he was in that movie. Maybe we could even get Christian Bale back as John Connor. He had so much fun playing that role.
Are You Sure That Will Fit In With What’s Gone Before?
You have seen my work before, right? Do you think I give a shit about any of that? This is gonna be awesome, baby. YEAH!
Heat 2: Turn Up The Temperature Is Slated For A 2024 Release
HOLLYWOOD – News hit the internet today that Sam Worthington was going to star in another film.
The film will have a title, a director and a script as well as other actors who will play alongside Sam Worthington. A producing partnership have already said how exciting the project is, despite the fact Sam Worthington is going to be in it.
An industry watcher spoke EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec about the development:
This is going to be a very bad year. If rumors are true Orlando Bloom has been defrosted from carbonite and is being made supple in preparation for Pirates of the Caribbean 5. The news that Sam Worthington is also free and roaming the studio system is too much to believe. I remember the old days when directors and producers employed actors in films.
The Brit-born Australian actor Sam Worthington has appeared in Terminator Salvation, Drift and Man on a Ledge. Worthington has so far left no comment about his forthcoming film except to say that he was ‘delighted to be working’.
There had been fears/hopes that Worthington had been deleted by James Cameron following the filming of Avatar, but Worthington went on to appear in Clash of the Titans and Wrath of the Titans but it is hoped that his new film won’t have the word “Titan” in the title.
Titan will be released in 2017.
HOLLYWOOD – Director of Avatar, Titanic and the first two Terminator films, James Cameron has come out swinging in support for the latest film in the Terminator franchise, but his shirt mutely contradicted him throughout his comments.
Even as James Cameron said that he considered Terminator Genisys – starring Emilia Clarke and Jason Clarke – as the third film in the series – dismissing Terminator Rise of the Machines and Terminator Salvation – his shirt seemed to be colorfully saying ‘I liked Terminator Rise of the Machines’. Cameron spoke about how he loved watching Terminator Genisys as a fan and how pleased he was with how respectful the film was to its predecessors, the paisley (?) shirt suggested a suppressed love of Christian Bale’s John Connor.
Science fiction aficionados were quick to hit the comment boards and pick apart the subtext of Cameron’s shirt.
Swiss Sci-fi buff Xavier Poulis wrote on the Freejack fan site Jaegger:
I think it’s obviously a throwback to the sixties and the Golden Age of Science Fiction shirts. It’s psychedelic exuberance suggests nothing less than the Stargate section of 2001 a Space Odyssey. Although Cameron was letting off spoilers, left right and center, his shirt seemed to subtly undermine almost everything he said. Hinting that fans of the first movies will again be wearing that fixed fake smile that Schwarzenegger flashes in the trailer as they watch the new film unfold before their unbelieving eyes.
It is believed that Paramount have given James Cameron’s shirt a three picture development deal and that its first project will be a remake of The Deep.
Terminator Genisys is directed by Alan Taylor, written by Laeta Kalogridis and Patrick Lussier and will be released on July 1, 2015.
HOLLYWOOD – James Cameron announced today that he had sent John Connor back in time to destroy a number of Terminator sequels.
The sequels Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines, the Sarah Connor Chronicles and Terminator Salvation will all be destroyed by Connor, James Cameron stated.
Things have gone to far and they’ve gotten way too complicated. The original film was a blast and it had a lot of stuff I was very proud of. Then Terminator 2: Judgement Day took it to another level. The best film in my opinion. Arnold Schwarzenegger has never been better and Linda Hamilton and the story actually had something interesting to say. But then we got to the third one. I didn’t direct it myself and the result was frankly substandard and then things really started to go south.
According to the Avatar director, the mission will see Connor meeting Cameron in the past and either persuading him to forego the ancillary rights or killing him.
With the sequels all gone, the new film Terminator Genisys might just make some sense.
But surely that will create a paradox?
What do you mean?
Well, if they succeed in killing you, then you won’t be able to send John Connor back to stop you from… you see?
F*ck, I have to get Arnie on the phone tout suite! Thanks Exec.
Terminator: Genisys will be released or not in the FUTURE!
HOLLYWOOD – The film industry was in mourning today as news came in that ‘actor’ Sam Worthington had been deleted, when the memory stick he was stored on was accidentally/on purpose snapped by Avatar director James Cameron.
Sam Worthington was initially written as company for S1mone the star of the eponymous 2002 Andrew Nichols film starring Al Pacino. When S1mone committed suicide a year later, James Cameron took custody of Worthington and a friendship began. Although Worthington was too artificial an intelligence to act convincingly with other humans, he was perfect in Avatar. However, as his star rose, he insisted on being treated like a real human being and even tried his hand at roles such as Perseus in the Clash of the Wrath of the Titans and A Man on a Ledge. Despite these brave attempts, Worthington never quite got the emotional depth required for playing human beings.
Despite the fact that James Cameron has claimed to have purposefully destroyed Worthington (Click Here for that story), other sources told the Studio Exec that Cameron sat down when had the memory stick in his back pocket and broke it with his ass.
Avatar 2 will be out in 2017.