THE COMCAST/TIME-WARNER MERGER NAME CHANGE

HOLLYWOOD – Following the news that the FCC is about to bury the concept of Net Neutrality, communications giants Comcast and Time Warner celebrated by announcing that their post-merger super-company will henceforth be known as SkyNet.

A spokesperson for the new company said that the new name was supposed to inspire ‘a sense of awe, trembling and fear in our valued customers as well as encouraging a predisposition to obey our digital overlords.’ Asked whether the name had any connection to the machines which take over the world in the Terminator films, the same spokesperson said the following:

Ha ha ha! Terminator films? Oh really come on. I mean, really! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Seriously? Seriously? Ha ha! You’re comparing a merger of Time Warner with Comcast with a Science Fiction movie about a heartless capitalistic mechanism taking over the world and mercilessly crushing all opposition. Well, yes. Obviously.

Sofia Coppola’s Terminator 5 will be released in 2016.  

JUSTIN BIEBER TO PLAY SON OF THE TERMINATOR

It has been confirmed this morning that pretty boy pop star Justin Bieber is to play Arnold Schwarzenegger’s love child in James Cameron’s Terminator & Son.

I’ve been working on the script for ten years and as soon as I finishAvatar 26, we’ll begin pre-production” said a businesslike Cameron.

An illegal copy of the screenplay was released on the Web and immediately removed but online gamer Paul Foot was one of the few who managed to sneak a peak.

It’s pretty amazing,“ said a vitamin D deficient Foot.

It turns out that Sarah Connor and the Terminator had a brief sexual encounter in a deleted scene from Judgement Day. When Connor is killed trying to blow up Google Headquarters; her child Billy Skynet (Bieber) is sent to live with the Terminator who has retired from being a murderous time travelling cyborg and is currently running a successful scrap metal business in Delaware. From then on it becomes a gritty domestic drama about the relationship between father and son. The Terminator wants Billy to take over the family business but all he want to do is assassinate people.

Schwarzenegger has been tight lipped about his role but his agent Chuck Flake claims Arnie is taking this one seriously.

I’ve never seen him so committed “ said Flake. “He turned  a cameo down in Argo 2: Lost Luggage because he wanted to make sure he was properly prepared. I know it’s early days but I’m convinced this is the role that will finally secure him his long awaited Oscar.”


Terminator & Son is due for release in 2015