NEW TERMINATOR REBOOT TO GO BACK IN TIME AND KILL ALL THE OTHER TERMINATOR REBOOTS

HOLLYWOOD – The new reboot of Terminator has a synopsis and you’re going to love it.

Arnold Schwarzenegger is set to return as the killing machine robot in a new Terminator reboot which promises to fix some of the problems with the franchise. He popped into the Studio Exec bungalow to give us the nut:

It’s amazing. I was so busy governing California I took my eye off the ball. Jim Cameron did his best to keep the boat steady but now ‘I’m Back!’ in charge and I have already worked out the story of Terminator 5 or 6.

Okay. What is it?

My Terminator will go back and kill all the other movies that were made featuring the Terminator after Terminator 2: Judgement Day. I was tempted to go back and kill that one too but we’ve decided to let that one stand. The others are toast.

Wow!

I know. So Rise of the Machines, Salvation, Genesys, er… I mean that last one. They didn’t even know how to spell Genesis, for crying out loud. Anyway we wipe them out.

How do you wipe them out? 

I kill the entire cast and crew of all the films except me.

Terminator: Apocalypse will be released in 1992.

JOHN CONNOR SENT BACK IN TIME TO DESTROY TERMINATOR SEQUELS

HOLLYWOOD – James Cameron announced today that he had sent John Connor back in time to destroy a number of Terminator sequels.

The sequels Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines, the Sarah Connor Chronicles and Terminator Salvation will all be destroyed by Connor, James Cameron stated.

Things have gone to far and they’ve gotten way too complicated. The original film was a blast and it had a lot of stuff I was very proud of. Then Terminator 2: Judgement Day took it to another level. The best film in my opinion. Arnold Schwarzenegger has never been better and Linda Hamilton and the story actually had something interesting to say. But then we got to the third one. I didn’t direct it myself and the result was frankly substandard and then things really started to go south.

According to the Avatar director, the mission will see Connor meeting Cameron in the past and either persuading him to forego the ancillary rights or killing him.

With the sequels all gone, the new film Terminator Genisys might just make some sense.

But surely that will create a paradox?

What do you mean?

Well, if they succeed in killing you, then you won’t be able to send John Connor back to stop you from… you see?

F*ck, I have to get Arnie on the phone tout suite! Thanks Exec.

Terminator: Genisys will be released or not in the FUTURE!