STAR WARS: DEATH STAR JANITORS REALITY SHOW ON DISNEY+

BREAKING NEWS: Following up on the runaway success of the Obi Wan-Kenobi series, Disney+ have announced Star Wars: Death  Star Janitors will premiere on the streaming service this November. The reality show will follow a team of hopeful cleaners competing to earn a much coveted job on the genocidal space station. The Exec caught up with Kathleen Kennedy to talk about the high concept reality show.

Kathleen, Where Did You Get The Idea For Star Wars: Death Star Janitors?

Honestly? It was the only idea we hadn’t made from the Disney+ Canteen Suggestions Box. We’re getting kinda desperate now. Can you tell? I know I have more money than anyone else in the world that isn’t responsible for war crimes, but at what cost? I remember the good old days when I would hang out with George. We weren’t greedy; we only had a couple of billion dollars between us. It was a simpler time. We were happier back then.

Has This Work Left You Feeling Unfulfilled?

In a way, it has. I mean, yeah sure, I have my own island where I rule the population like a malignant, petulant god. But that’s only fun for some of the time. I wanted to make films that were important, that had something truly meaningful to say. Something like Taken or Taken 2.

What Do Those Films Have To Say That’s Important?

I dunno. Get off my kids? Foreigners are dangerous and frightening? Who do you think I am? I produce Star Wars shit, I aint no philosopher.

Tell Us About This New Reality Show.

There’s not much to tell. It takes place during the build up to and behind the scenes of Episode IV: A New Hope. That film is going on in the background and the contestant’s task is to clear up after all the mess the escaping rebels make. Think of it as Rosencrantz & Guildenstern Are Dead crossed with Big Brother.

You Really Have Given Up, Haven’t You?

Yep.

Star Wars: Death Star Janitors Premieres On Disney+ This Coming November

SCRIPT LEAK: TAKEN 3

HOLLYWOOD – The new script for Taken 3 has leaked EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec. Read here.


EXT. CHECHNYA. DAY.
Bryan (Liam Neeson), Kim and Lenore Mills arrive in a taxi outside a run down hotel in the middle of an area still devastated by years of warfare. They step over a dead body on their way to the lobby.

BRYAN
(clapping his hands)
This looks like the place. 

INT. HOTEL ROOM
The family unpack.

BRYAN
It’s a nice room, isn’t it?
KIM
Why do we have to keep coming to these dumps dad?
LENORE
Yeah Bryan, last year it was Beirut. The year before that…
KIM
The Democratic Republic of the Congo.
BRYAN
Ah, this way we avoid the crowds. I’m going out to stretch my legs.
 
 
EXT. PHONE BOOTH ACROSS FROM THE HOTEL
Bryan takes out a folded piece of paper and dials the number.
 
INT. BACK ROOM OF A SLEAZY TERRORIST CLUB
A bunch of hirsute villains listen to someone rapping in Arabic. The phone rings. 
TERRORIST
Yes?
 
EXT. PHONE BOOTH
Bryan talks into the phone.
BRYAN
They’re in room number 314.
 
Bryan hangs up and then cover his eyes with his hands.
 
BRYAN (CONT)
One Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi…
 
FIN