WASHINGTON – The White House has beaten up the Hollywood sign and totally, like totally, destroyed it. I mean it was embarrassing.

And let’s be clear. By the White House I’m not using the phrase to stand for the Obama administration. Rather I mean the actual building. Today, the Capitol was celebrating with a particularly strident fountain.

‘It’s years that Hollywood has been kicking seven shades of excrement out of us,’ said the West Wing. ‘First, Superman 2, then Roland Emmerich in Independence Day, then Tim Burton in Mars Attacks and now Olympus has Fallen and there’s another Emmerich film on the way? How would that asshole like it if we burnt down the Reichstag?’

The White House having a celebratory fountain
Buildings inspector Joshua Simons admitted:
This has been a long time coming. How the White House managed to get over to LA and kick the Hollywood sign’s ass and then back to Washington without anyone noticing defies credibility, that I admit. But still there’ll be a lot of happy faces both sides of the aisle this morning.