MARVEL-WOOD – If there’s one thing we don’t have enough of it’s 1. original ideas and 2. superhero movies.
So combining the two, Studio Exec has come up with a bunch of pre-existing properties that, although successful, have not fulfilled their superhero franchise potential and are therefore ripe for exploitation re-imagining.
1 The Elephant Man: By day John Merrick is a lowly circus freak, haunting the bowels of Victorian London, but by night he is crime fighter Elephant Man, shocking and paralyzing evil doers everywhere with his incredible ugliness, hitting them with his cane and bellowing his catchphrase – ‘I am not an animal.’
2. Rain Man: Dustin Hoffman returns as the card counting, matchstick auditing Rain Man who, after being hit by lightning, is gifted with the ability to control the weather. Drizzle attack! Down pour! Manchester, England!
3. Bi-centennial Man: Once every two hundred years, crime has a new enemy!
4. Pretty Woman: By day she’s a beautiful woman living with a mild mannered millionaire, but by night … she’s a prostitute!
5. 12 Angry Men: 12 Men all (save one) armed with indifference, prejudice or just a need to get home and watch the ball game, but together they will (eventually after a really long discussion) right wrong and bring justice to an unjust world.
All films will be released in 2018. And most will star Benedict Cumberbatch.
HOLLYWOOD – British actor Benedict Cumberbatch announced today that he is to play Doctor Strange in the Scott Derrickson directed Marvel adventure, due out in two year’s time.
Benedict Cumberbatch, speaking EXCLUSIVELY to Studio Exec, answered the door and screamed:
I am KHAN!
Before correcting himself, clearing his throat and screaming:
I am DOCTOR STRANGE!
How did you feel about the role?
Oh absolutely spiffing. I said to my man Jenkers, Jenkers old fellow, I rather have it in my old noggin to play Doctor Strange. And do you know what he said?
He said and I quote ‘Very good, sir.’ Font of infinite wisdom is Jenkers. When God was about his business creating Jenkers he poured in the grey matter from a very large jug marked ‘the good stuff’!
Do you read the comics?
Ha ha. Course not. One doesn’t read comics my dear chap, you just look at the bally pictures.
Doctor Strange will be released July 8 2016 at 4.14 pm.
HOLLYWOOD – Troublesome actor and the not incredible per se Hulk, Edward Norton has announced his retirement from film acting in order to concentrate on developing ever more effective anti-virus software.
The Fight Club organizer said:
It started off as a hobby really. I was a dabbler, writing stuff that detected malware, eliminated Trojans and blocked pop ups. Pretty soon I was providing tools to scan and clean up your registry and supply back up. Before I knew it, the whole thing was industry standard. And so it came to me, do I want to make The Hulk 2 or do I want to throw myself body and soul into the world of Anti-Virus software?
Fan Josephine Applebury expressed dismay:
Edward Norton is what we had before Tom Hiddleston turned up. He’s the dangerous wimp for women who need someone to proof read a bi-annual report or make them a stir fry. And to think he’s gone into anti-virus software writing just shows the depth of his soul. We will miss him. I swear to God.
However, he won’t be the first actor who has turned his back on fame to work in the trenches of computer programming. The once mediocre Orlando Bloom is now spending every waking minute on producing a version of Free Cell that will waste even more time. Norton’s not even the first Hulk to do so. Eric Bana abandoned a flagging film acting career in order to develop the voice activated software which later became Siri used by Apple on their iPad and iPhone.
Whether Norton decision is final, or he is Soderbergh-ing remains to be seen, but one thing is sure, wherever there is a virus or invasive piece of software, Ed Norton will be right behind it holding a claw-headed hammer.
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In 1981 a film arrived that gave us entertainment, excitement and thrills.
It was inventive and witty while at the same time harking back to the golden days of the Saturday morning serials. It had mysterious magic and breathtaking chases, witty one liners and gun/sword/whip play, a spunky heroine, snakes and Nazis. Harrison Ford played Indiana Jones, the whip cracking archaeologist and treasure hunter, the director was Steven Spielberg and the film was Raiders of the Lost Ark. The thrill of watching that film is still there today, was still there last night when I watched it again. Oh, and there’s a new Wolverine film out.
The Wolverine is on general release.