STING TO REPRISE DUNE ROLE IN OLD FEYD

HOLLYWOOD – Sting returns to acting with Dune spin-off Old Feyd.

Of all Sting’s many, many acting roles, Feyd-Rautha Harkonnen in Dune is undoubtedly his most iconic. The scene-stealing turn in David Lynch’s iconic science fiction classic captured the imaginations of audiences everywhere. Fans have called for a stand alone Feyd movie for some years and today Sting announced their dreams will come true. Speaking to Chapeau the French cultural magazine de jour, Sting exclaimed:

Everyone knows that Feyd-Rautha died at the end of Dune. But our film asks the question: what if he didn’t?

Denis Villeneuve will direct the new film, according to Sting from a screenplay written by the ex-Police front man.

We’re so excited. I was watching Blade Runner 2049 and just thinking how wonderful Old Feyd will be.

Sting also spoke about the story:

Feyd Rautha survives the fight with Paul Atreides despite seeming dead. He is smuggled back to Geidi Prime where he plots the destruction of House Atreides and his return to Arrakis. But while recovering from the grievous wound Paul inflicted, Feyd becomes interested in middle of the road rock and meditation. The film takes a more philosophical turn as Feyd becomes convinced only music and specifically a kind of watered down reggae can make the universe a better place.

The film arrives in a flurry of Dune related projects, with Denis Villeneuve’s remake already in the works and David Lynch’s long-awaited sequel Dune Messiah due out next year.

Old Feyd will be released in 2019.

 

47 FILMS: 47. DUNE

In our continuing series of 47 films to see before you are murdered in your dreams we present Dune.

Blue Velvet disturbs and Elephant Man moves, but David Lynch’s Dune is by far his most entertaining film. Based on Frank Herbert’s epic novel, it tells the tale of House Atreides and their move to the desert planet of Arrakis, the only source of the hallucinogenic Spice. Don’t worry. This isn’t about turmeric or something. The Spice allows for the navigators to fold time and space and thus travel vast distances through space.

Paul Atreides – the Duke’s son – is being trained by his weird mom as well as Jean Luc Picard to take over from his father. The  dangers of complicated politics and particularly the threat of the rival Harkonnen house, a family that resembles a less fat and disgusting version of Donald Trump, surround the family and soon mother and son are fleeing into the desert as the family are attacked. Here as the Harkonnen take over the planet, Paul and his magic mum seek refuge with the Freemen. Sorry, I meant Fremen.

Of course, the film has flaws. I can’t think of any, but it has them. Perhaps the last half becomes lost as it does its best to take us through the messianic rise of Paul. But frankly the flaws are also in Herbert’s novel. Like Lord of the Rings, Dune is basically an okay-ish novel, full of mock medieval scrumptons and elevated by the worlds invented around it.

Lynch’s vision is startling and has moments of genuine beauty and ugliness. The cast are superb. The guy from Das Boot, Picard, MacLachlan and Sean Young are great. And then there’s Sting in his pants!  Sting. In. His. Pants.

For more of our 47 Films to see before you’re murdered in your dreams CLICK HERE.

DONALD TRUMP PROMISES TO DEPORT STING

NEW YORK – In what is seen as a vote winning move, Donald Trump has said that if he is made President his first act following his inauguration will be to deport British born singer Sting.

The business tycoon turned Reality star Donald Trump promised yesterday that if he were made President he would prioritize the immediate deportation of musician Sting. He told a packed rally at Iowa State University.

I will deport Sting. He’s an alien, he’s an illegal alien. He’s an Englishman. And he’s in New York.

Donald Trump denied that the policy change was due to the advice of Governor Sarah Palin who endorsed him recently and who is set to star with Mr. Trump in a new film project.

Trump told reporters:

Sting comes here. He’s not a friendly guy. Don’t Stand so Close to Me, he sings. Why not? What’s so good about you that we can’t stand so close to you? He favors prostitution. He’s lived in our country for decades and has never become a citizen and he’s so brazen about the illegal status of his residency that he sings about it on a hit album.

Donald Trump will be released in 2018.

THE BEAST RABBAN APPREHENDED

HOLLYWOOD – The Beast Rabban has been taken into custody following a nationwide manhunt that lasted for almost five months.

As reported in January in the Studio Exec (Click Here to read), Glossu ‘The Beast’ Rabban escaped from the Pelican Bay Maximum Security Correctional Facility in California where he has been serving a life sentence for murder, war crimes and ‘interfering with the flow of the Spice’. An alert was issued and rumor had it that the Beast had left the country possibly to settle in Arrakis or Canada. However, it seems that the Beast had not traveled quite so far and was arrested yesterday afternoon in Hodad’s diner at Ocean Beach in San Diego, where he was completing a world record meal of consuming thirty hamburgers in one sitting.

A spokesperson for the San Diego police department told the Studio Exec:

We got the call that there was an individual fitting the Beat’s description in popular eating place Hodad’s. The man looked exactly as he did in the photographs we had issued. It is baffling that he made absolutely no attempt to disguise or change his appearance. Apparently he had been wandering around the state sampling the food and yet we had no sightings of him or reports until this one came in. It appears that people were simply too intimidated by him to risk calling the police.

Although the police feared a fire fight, the Beast decided to return to his cell peacefully, though he will now be facing further criminal proceedings for his escape. Close friend and musician Sting said that he was saddened to hear that the Beast was once more incarcerated. Speaking to us earlier today, Sting said:

Everyone sees the Beast Rabban as this terrible fiend who murders for pleasure and has the amazing ability of dismembering people with his bare hands, but in reality Glossu is a lovely and sensitive human being. Yes, he drinks a juice made from crushed rodents and yes, he does kill and maim many, many people, but can a man who states that his favorite song is An Englishman in New York be all bad? I put it to you he simply cannot.

The Beast Rabban will be out sometime in 2035.

GERARD DEPARDIEU BECOMES RUSSIAN

MOSCOW – Chunky French film star (and air-plane plumbing expert) Gerard Depardieu has become Russian, receiving the all important nod from the Russian Tsar, Vladimir Putin, late last night. From now on the hulking star of such classics as Jean de Florette and Cyrano di Bergerac and 101 Dalmatians will be known as Ivan Depardinovitch.
Film scholars were busy last night re-writing all the books on French cinema of the last sixty years and changing his name to the new one.

Ivan was angry at French President François Hollande’s decision to raise tax on the very rich. ‘I am practically down to my last yacht,’ said Ivan. Ivan first moved to Belgium, a country which is basically France, but pretends to be different. He immediately realised he had made a huge mistake: ‘Christ, it’s boring.’

Prick


Having listened to a song by Sting – and being assured that ‘Russians love their children too’, Ivan decided Russia would be the ideal home for his money. When questioned about the terrible human rights record of the country, Ivan laughed and waved away the question: ‘Don’t believe all that,’ he said. ‘I heard that not only is the country a riot, it’s a pussy riot!’