HOLLYWOOD – Star Wars: The Force Awakens will make money, it has been revealed.

Figures released following the opening of the seventh installment of Star Wars, directed by J.J. Abrams seem to indicate that the film will make a profit and not lose money as was feared. Although the film cost more than you could ever raise even if you sold your house, your family, the houses of everyone you know, all their families, their houses, and their cars, and if you put all the money you all earned and all the people within a ten mile radius of where you live in a pot it still wouldn’t pay for the catering. Despite that, it still looks likely that the latest film in the Science Fiction/Fantasy Space Opera will still somehow make coin.

Film expert Colin Efferman told the Studio Exec:

This is a weird thing. It’s almost as if lots of people buying lots of tickets has actually made more than the cost of making, distributing and advertising a film. I didn’t think there were that many people in the world bu I guess I didn’t count Belgium.

Variety and IMDb both said in unison: ‘We simply didn’t know there was that much money in the world. I guess they found some more.’

The money that Star Wars: The Force Awakens will be used to feed children without food, house the homeless, promote schemes to stop climate change and preserve the natural environment, promote peace and education in parts of the world where war has torn horrible wounds and generally promote peace and joy, goodness and justice throughout the world, via Disney. However, there is also the possibility that they will simply use the money to buy Harry Potter.

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